Last weekend we attended a funeral for a friend's son who took his own life at 26.
Monday I opened my hometown online paper to find the obituary of a friend whose wedding I had been in and whose brother I dated. She took her life as well. I had been out of touch with her for some years but it did not lessen the sting.
I found myself overwhelmed. Two BFFs with breast cancer. Two suicides, one of someone I loved so much but was out of touch with. I was weepy just folding laundry. And it was a lonely feeling.
And then at the precise time my heart was so heavy, I went to do some training work for a woman I consider one of the greatest people I know. She is a Rockstar in so many ways. Being there with her it reminded me of a time when I felt like my world was coming apart and she was my soft place to fall.
In the first 6 months of 2006 I lost both parents, two of our pups and our friend Edwin. I took an unpaid leave in the fall from my teaching job at a local college to spend most of the next semester/4 months 500 miles away in IL cleaning out my home (where I grew up) and sorting through memories to be given to relatives, friends, and prepared for sale to strangers at an estate sale. My home and all of the memories sold and gone. When all of that was complete in January of 2007, I received a voicemail from the dean's assistant where I taught that they had reconsidered my unpaid leave and that since my parents technically died on breaks they didn't feel like I was entitled and they terminated me. FIRED IN A VOICEMAIL.
Could you please pee in my Cheerios a bit more? I don't think I've suffered enough pain yet...
Enter Rockstar.
I've known Rockstar for about 18 years if I figure right. We are both Human Resource professionals. She is beautiful, she is scary smart, she is a sharp dresser, she is generous, she is kind to a fault, she loves martinis and good wine, she has the greatest laugh, she is supportive, she is an amazing mentor to the students I've had that have worked for her, she is tough as nails but fun as they come. She is my pal the Rockstar. I could go on about her for days, because she is amazing.
I love to tell people about my pal Ronn's first meeting with her. She was looking for a consultant to do some work and they had talked on the phone a few times and were going to meet to chat further. Prior to the meeting I asked him how he pictured her from the phone conversations. "Like Cathy Bates with a military hair cut."
I could not wait to hear what he thought when he met her in person :)
He called when he was done with the meeting to tell me that the project would probably not be a fit but they would stay in touch. I asked what he thought of her when he met her. This would be good.
"I sat in the lobby and watched this woman in this sea foam green suit walk across the lobby and thought how stunning she looked. I almost fell over when she walked up to me and introduced herself! It was clearly not Cathy Bates in a military hairdo!"
Yep, that's my Rockstar. Da Bomb, the Full Monty, and my soft place to fall.
Which is why I write about her here now.
I had such loss in one year and was numb. I have months where I do not remember what I did. I struggled to do anything but watch Dr. Phil for a time (yep, that's how out of it I was...watching Fat Phil's Circus.) And I simply did not know how I was going to go on.
She knew what I needed and when I needed it and how I needed her friendship.
She called to chat. She drug me out to events her company was involved in. She gave me work to do. She got me involved on a project with another consultant. She got me out for lunch. She got me out for drinks. She was always there. She had the hard talk with me one afternoon..."Sally you are depressed and it's hurting you and your business. You need to do something for yourself to get better." And it was with so much love and support. And she stood by me as I did get better and did find my stride again.
She's ALWAYS there for me. I hope I am as good a friend to Rockstar.
As I think of the two people that took their own lives this week, it tears my heart out that they felt that they did not have a Rockstar, no soft place to fall/land. I'm blessed to be that soft place for Badass and Neat Gal, at least I hope they know that. I hope Rockstar knows I am here to be that for her too.
When I went through all of the loss in the year I write about here, I was so stunned at the things that people said and did. Cold, cruel, hateful, mean, thoughtless things. People up here are "friendly" but there are only a few that I could truly count on in tough times. I recall that hard year and can vividly recall and tell you about those who were there and kind. Sadly, the horrible ones were in greater number and made it harder. My heart broke, my walls went up, my trust disappeared.
But my Rockstar did not.
She is my friend, my confidant, my sidekick, my martini buddy/wine buddy, my mentor, my business partner of sorts, my counsel, my supporter. I am sad that others do not have a Rockstar. I've been here 20 years and there are few that I know are rock solid in my life. She is and always has been.
I am beyond blessed to have her in my life. Working together was a good reminder of that during this particular week.
She was and is my soft place to fall :) Here's to you girlfriend, you are my ROCKSTAR! I love you tons!
