And if you've experienced loss of someone you love and the grief that accompanies the sudden loss of a person who was a part of your life that you valued so deeply, the moment following that sleepy blissful waking time is the razor sharp reality that it was not a dream. The pain comes cutting through to open the wound in your heart once again. It is real.
She is gone. It was sudden to say the least. She texted me that she was having emergency surgery. She said Rob, her husband would text me when she was out. I could feel the worry in the text and my heart pulled hard wanting to be there to hold her hand and hug her fear away. I told her in the last text not to worry, all would be good. I had just talked to her 12 days earlier for 2 hours...that's how we rolled. Long, meaning-of-life conversations. I told her that right before Thanksgiving I had started the ball rolling for 2 new career moves and was looking forward to the coming year and new pathways. She talked about retiring in another year or so, she was tired of the long hours and travel.
We made plans to have the hubs and I go to see she and Rob in the spring...
And in the early morning dawning hours the day after surgery I got a message from Rob that she had moved to Heaven. Just like that she was gone. It has been a little more than 48 hours and I still cannot fathom that she is gone. This does not feel real...
She was a light. She was peace. Being around her just filled you with love and laughter. She was a southern girl with the most delightful drawl and I could listen to her sweet voice all day long. Sh had a quick laugh and it was contagious when you'd hear it. She had a smile that would light up the room. Her eyes twinkled when she smiled and when she talked those eyes themselves smiled.
She had the most pure, generous, authentic loving heart. A few years back, someone she considered a close friend did something pretty awful to her professionally. She was so very hurt and yet she said that it would all work out in the end. It set up her life for some pretty challenging times. But she said it would all work out. She never got angry, she did get sad that someone she valued did not value the relationship on the same level she did. But she looked at it and said it was not meant to be and that maybe the relationship had run its course and she'd be OK with that.
She moved on to another job and then moved up to another, then moved up to another to become a valued executive in a firm in DC. She was scary smart. And an incredible business woman. I admired her tremendously and often would shoot her a text or call her to bounce things off of her. This little southern beauty with the ready laugh and the enormous loving heart was the total package.
And she was a loving wife, mother and Gigi (grandmother.) She reconnected with her high school sweetheart later in life and the two of them were the pair that everyone looked at and loved seeing together. Rob is her split-apart...a HUGE heart, a great laugh, and someone I could talk to all day long because he's so full of love and goodness. She has two beautiful kids, a son and a daughter that emulate her goodness. A daughter-in-law that I met and instantly fell in love with because she too was love and laughter. And her grands...a grandson and granddaughter that are beautiful and sweet just like their Gigi.
She was my champagne buddy, she loved her bubbles. She loved her margaritas too! One birthday I bought her this silly sweater with champagne bottles and glasses embroidered all over it. She loved it! When she lived up here close to me, there were fun days spent across the river at a local outdoor spot with a bottle of bubbles sitting outside talking about the ways of the world and the direction of life. She was just a few years older than I am, the southern member of my tribe that I spent long hours in conversation about deep and meaningful things that we both believed in and connected us deeply.
We never talked about this. We never discussed this. Sherry, we never, ever talked about you not being here. I simply do not know how to process yet that I can't text her and ask her opinion about someone I am dealing with that is not a good person...Sherry I have this situation with this hypocritical jerk...what would you do?
A lifeline, a touchstone, love, peace, balance, heart. She was an abundance of love. And I guess God decided He needed her more and we would have to bond to each other in her absence. We have done this and are trying to take care of each other...I'll see if Rob is ready to talk today or tomorrow. I have connected with the kids. And a friend of mine from high school who is much like Sherry in that she is love and laughter...she reached out and said that we need a phone date, she has been through this too. And a local friend has reached out to me privately in messages to send her love and chat since we've both been busy and have not connected for too long.
Sherry we are so very empty and the hubs and I keep talking that we cannot believe this is true. It was sudden, it was a freak thing that took you from us. We sat last night and toasted you and talked about your beauty and love. We are already making plans to get Rob out here to relax and visit with us. I promise that we all will stay bonded and take care of each other.
But I am still in disbelief...
And it will never be the same, we miss you HERE so much.
Cheers sweet lady, this earthy world was a significantly better place with you in it and because you were in it. Please come see me however you choose. I miss your voice...my heart is in pieces.
I love you,
SalPal
