To stroll into this post, I must recognize a friend from high school who was my trigger today. He is/was then a quiet and kind person. Peaceful to be around when my high school world was painful and chaotic and I worked hard not to show it. He was an athlete and I think would be/was considered in the popular crowd. One of the people who was a truly nice guy and easy to be around.
Fast forward to our last reunion. I had not seen him in DECADES. He and I stood at a high table talking and having a cocktail as one classmate shared with us that she was back as part of her healing from addiction and she shared some stories with us. I was shocked hearing all of this because she seemed so pulled together back then and she is scary smart. He too began to share some stories from his high school days also that were something no one really knew about, things that had to be very painful to go through back then. I too shared a bit of what I had felt and went through during those 4 years that no one really realized and how I felt in such pain and so alone. My kind friend uttered words that stopped me in mid-swig of a beer...he said "we always think we are the only ones, that we are always alone in our pain."
How very true.
So hit the FF button again. Today on social media I posted a random thread and comments strung out. He called me out on the paradox of my comments about my favorite boss who long ago went to prison and as I explained my feelings about the person having been very good to me despite being a criminal, he made a comment that hit me as profound for so many of us. He said, "And it's a great thing to remember that all of us are much more than our worst moment."
How very true my friend, once again.
We all have a worst moment. We wish for a do-over. My 8 years of high school and college were a blur of pain and anguish that carried over for decades. As I told my artist friend Suzy not long ago, I deeply wanted to be a Monet treasure and every day was a Jackson Pollock. It took a long time to get to peace with much of it. Much of it is still a canvas being recreated in loving glory.
And I wish those people who never understood... classmates and sorority sisters, co-workers and colleagues, family and friends...they could hear those words and understand "all of us are much more than our worst moment." That person they knew so long ago is so far gone and this one is the one whose soul is a bright light moving into great things ahead. Those worst moments have created great ones and I am blessed beyond anything I could hope for. As I taught my noon yoga class today at the local university, I pondered deeply the words I always say to them during their practice..."breathe in your gratitude and find the things you are grateful for today. Thank your body for all it let you do today and fill your heart with that gratitude." I didn't just say them today, I truly felt them. And I was blessed at the end to have the 3 males in the class tell me as they packed up to leave that they loved class and would never miss Wednesdays unless they had to work. Gratitude all around.
And as hurried as life has been lately dealing with dead cell phones and computers not working and snow and ice in our neck of the woods. The grey days of winter and the bone chilling cold...I am warmly reminded of the amazing kind heart and profoundly meaningful words of my pal Tom. And to him I say what I say closing my yoga classes and what I have heard from another loving yogi "the light and teacher in me honors the light and the teacher in you." Tom, you have taught me good stuff today dude, you were MY teacher! I am so grateful for you. Here's to do-overs for our worst moments and the grace to give others the same. I am blessed with people who have seen past mine and I am so very grateful for them.
