For "new people" that happen into our lives...

Have you every taken the time to really stop and think, wonder about the people that come in (and out) of your life?  At any location, any time...  There is that old adage "people come for a reason, a season or a lifetime." And I do ponder often about the gifts they bring to my (our) life.

This past weekend we were in a favorite haunt to have some holiday cheer.  A place I have many fond memories of over the years and then when the hubs was introduced to it, he just fell in LOVE with the place! It is one of his top 5 without a doubt.  Old-time, old fashioned bar with the staff in white shirts and black bow ties, dark wood paneling and bar...a VERY rich history and at the holidays, the decor and spirit that oozes fun.  And great food to boot.  

We decided kind of last second to walk to this spot since we were in the neighborhood.  To say it was packed with holiday revelers is a significant understatement!  We looked for a spot to sit at the bar and it was an immediate realization that it was not going to happen so we just looked to inch into a spot to get the bartender's attention to order drinks.  No small effort as it was 3 people deep most spots.  

This was an interesting stroll up and down the bar area to find an opening for a number of reasons.  Just taking in the place that I am only in about 2 or 3 times a year and love. But as I walked behind the hubs and watched the people around me, I was struck at two particular people I could not take my eyes away from.  It was one of those moments that you wonder if you're seeing your friend or just their doppelgänger. 

Paulie, our amazing and kind, loving friend who moved here from County Mayo in Ireland and became a restaurant proprietor.  He is one of the kindest people and though we don't see him often, we talk about him often and miss his smile and presence.  His twin was sitting at a table with 3 women having dinner.  I actually got close enough to make eye contact to see if it was truly him.  It wasn't but it was one of those moments...you just keep looking thinking it really IS him!

Jen, our beloved vet tech at our traditional vet...  She has a smile and that contagious laughter you fall right in love with when you meet her. Well, there at the edge of the waiters' station at the bar was Jen's doppelgänger and as with Paulie's twin, I could not take my eyes from her because she smiled like Jen, laughed like her, had the same curly hair...it was her!  I looked often enough that I thought she was probably going to look at me and ask just what I was staring at.  

But then the universe stepped in and the lovely woman sitting next to her, her close friend, asked if we were trying to get the bartender's attention to get drinks.  The hubs said yes and this sweet lady got the bartender over and the drink order placed :)  As we waited for drinks to come back our way, we told the ladies about Jen looking so much like one of them and the conversation was off and running.  Three rounds later, we were exchanging emails and phone numbers.  I so wish we had taken some pictures before that crew had all departed!  

There are those people that are put into your path that seem to be beyond the meeting one time and while you may not see them but on a rare occasion, you can reach out and say hello and enjoy the time in laughter and stories.  Like our friends Michelle and Damien in Dublin, Bente and Jon in Norway, both couples we know from a Springsteen concert in Ireland in 2016.  

What brings these people to us?  Chance meetings, passings in conversation and a drink order in a bar.  I can think of times when it was truly a passing of ships and it was a time when I was feeling horrible and the small talk, the chat left me feeling like a million dollars.  Times where I truly felt like I was in my boat alone with no oars.  And then someone will show up, a complete stranger, and it will be a moment of laughter, sharing of similar stories and we are exchanging emails or cell phone numbers or agreeing to have coffee sometime in a few weeks.  We may not be erecting monuments to the friendship in the months to come, but the energy of people who "happen" into our lives sometimes are just exactly what the world knows we would love.  

The synchronicity of life...

Ah yes, the synchronicity!  As we were all parting from our chance meeting and I made a passing comment in the glow of "holiday cheer",  finishing a previous conversation about "daughters" that I had been a sorority mom/advisor to for 15 years... daughters of the heart.  The daughter of Jen's twin asked what sorority and I told her it was the same one I had been a member of in undergrad and now another chapter near us had asked me to come in as alumni advisor.  When I told her what sorority it was there was a collective squeal from the 3 ladies I had been having so much fun with and the daughter blurted out our sorority's motto!  She is a member of the same sisterhood, different chapter!  There is something about being a member of the same sorority for many women that is special; you know and experience all of the same things, different generations, different locations even though you may not know one another or be in the same location.  A bond.  And here a stranger who had become a new friend shared a bond that has been a part of my life for over 40 years and still plays a small part through all of those beloved daughters who still are with us.

Those chance meetings, the laughter, the stories, the exchange of contact information.  The occasional card, email, text.  Life gives us so many chances to gather in the souls who are supposed to be there at any given time and/or place to fill our hearts (and hopefully we fill theirs!) whether they remain long into later life or just for the moment.  The love and laughter meant to fill our hearts and souls.  Right there in front of us.

I am grateful for every single one that has brought the positive and loving energy into our lives during these rough times (and all of the good times!)  Take the time to pay attention to the love and laughter that comes your way and embrace gratitude for it.

And...go be love out there, the world really needs you for that right now <3

For Jillayne...

At this age, I've had a lot of people come in and out of my life.   Few can stand next to Jillayne, my former student from St. Kate's that passed away a few days ago.  To say that her earthly being was remarkable is a significant understatement.

I have struggled with how to put into words who she was, the depth of her soul and being...so I suppose that describing her as a student would be a start...

One spring semester I prepared my syllabus for Principles of Management class.  One of the assignments/projects was to be a group presentation where the student groups did an audit of a management practice in a company they knew and revised or recommended changes to improve the practice.  Each of the four team members were to verbally present their portion of the project in front of the class at the end of the semester.  

The first day of class was always going through the syllabus in detail and answering questions and getting to know one another.  The VERY first student through the door that day was Jillayne.  Jillayne was in a wheelchair and on a ventilator and had her nurse with her.  She said hello, introduced me to her nurse, and explained that her nurse would be in class with her each session.  She promptly parked herself in the front row and waited for class to start.  

After we went through everything and class came to a close, I asked Jillayne to hang back a moment.  I told her that I planned class without realizing I needed to offer accommodation to a student and that for her group project, she'd be allowed to do a bulk of research instead of the oral presentation section.  I barely finished my sentence and she said to me "NO!, I am no different than any other student, I've got this!"  Her nurse looked at me and nodded in affirmation.  OK, how is this going to play out...

When the day came, the four young women took their place in front of the room and the first 3 gave their assessment of their project sections.  They asked for a momentary pause and Jillayne and her nurse went out into the hallway.  I held my breath not knowing what was going on and then the door opened and Jillayne appeared in front of the room, off her ventilator.  She delivered an amazing presentation and when she was done, thanked everyone and returned to the hallway where her nurse hooked her back up to her ventilator.

I was in awe of this amazing young woman.  And to think I bitch about my shoulders hurting...

THAT was Jillayne..."I'VE GOT THIS!"

We stayed in close touch on social media after I left St. Kate's and not too long ago she asked me to write a recommendation letter for her.  When I asked who I was to send it to and what she was up to, she told me she was going to study at the Berkeley School of Music.  I was in awe of her desire to do in life whatever excited her and proudly wrote that letter.  And so she was set...she messaged me that she was in and on her way to study music!  Once again in awe of her, I just knew that there were few things she could not tackle.

And about a month ago I got a phone call from her mother Debi.  Jillayne had been in the hospital almost the entire summer with breathing/lung issues.  The doctors had sent her home on hospice, there was nothing more they could do to help her.  Debi told me that on the list of people she wanted contacted, I was on that list.

This I did not expect.

I went back and forth between feeling like I'd been dealt a gut punch and being humbled and honored that I was on her "list."  I suppose I expected that she would be one of those students that would always be there to touch base with and connect on her new adventures and what she was conquering at any point in her life.  And she did CONQUER life!  How at this point, could life be kicking her and taking her light?

Jillayne commented to her mother that she felt like she had not accomplished much in her 30 years.  As I sat and visited with the two of them about two weeks ago, I learned exactly what she had "not" accomplished. Allow me to brag about this amazing, giving, kind, brave and generous young woman...

She got me started donating to Guide Dogs for the Blind because she had a friend who was involved and told me how important this was.   She collected over 500 stuffed animals for a project named "Critters for Kids in Crisis", she served as a youth commissioner on the Human Rights Commission in her hometown in MN, she created K-9 first-aid kits so that each K-9 Officer in her hometown would be able to treat their K-9 partner in an emergency, she helped with National Night out and Holiday Helpers in Blue and a litany of other selfless contributions. As I sat with the two of them, Debi told me in detail how Jillayne had gotten a change in the curbing structure started in her hometown that would eventually aid those who needed better access. Recently, the police department made her an honorary reserve officer in a beautiful tribute recently recognizing her selfless dedication to helping others.

And did I mention that she was a 4.0 student and was still taking her classes online from her hospital bed just a few weeks ago?

I would be remiss on an enormous level if I did not mention Jillayne's mom, Debi. Debi dedicated her entire life to caring for her amazing daughter and standing by her side in every single adventure and every single challenge. Debi's selfless and complete love and devotion was a beautiful partnership between mother and daughter. Everyone should have a mom like Debi and I am so in awe of their loving relationship. I cannot say enough about this amazing, loving and dedicated mom.

I had a work project that was taking a good deal of time and could not get out to make a second visit so I was texting the both of them to check in and tell them that I was still thinking of them and praying hard for them both and sending a lot of love. The other day when I texted, Debi wrote back that Jillayne would leave us sometime that day. And though we all know what "hospice" means, I did not expect that. I expected to make another visit next week and bring her favorite candy from The Drooling Moose candy shop. I felt like that gut punch had come full force. She was made of iron, how could this happen to someone who did SO much for others?

Jillayne was so easy to love, so easy to smile with and soul of such great depth and kindness. The enormous void she leaves will be impossible to fill on so many levels. However, she leaves us with inspiration to be a better version of ourselves, to give to others in so many ways, to overcome the things that life throws down in front of us and to live our lives in love, as she has always done with the partnership of her mom alongside her.

Jillayne, I honor you here and though it is from my heart, it pales in comparison to who you were here on earth. I know that you'll be watching over mom and those of us who loved you so and are grateful for your role in our lives. Thank you for honoring me by remaining in my life, you will always remain close to my heart. The world needs more people like you, without a doubt.

Fly high amazing friend, make sure you visit mom often to comfort her broken heart and stop by here if you get a moment. Love you...

Girls in their summer clothes, in the cool of the evening...

Ah, the words of Bruce Springsteen and one of my top 3 fave songs of his...  Girls in Their Summer Clothes...

I sit in my summer clothes, in the cool of the evening out on the deck.  Dark now and the smell of the passing rain offers up what is an amazing and deep sensory reward for the inconvenience of running indoors a few moments ago.  That beautiful scent of rainfall on the grass in summer and the downpour hitting the cement patio offers up one of those fragrant moments we dream of and crave in the winter.  And then there is the symphony of summer sounds...the choir of frogs and crickets in the surrounding woods that in their collective serenade bring the evening to a height of summer sensation.  I could not be more blessed it feels like.  And though I cannot see them in the dark, the immense beauty of the flowers in the containers and the plants in the landscaped areas I created years ago call to me without the necessity of a visual connection.

The hubs is inside puttering with something and the pups wander the yard in the dark.  My 3 angels who have been my greatest joy in some deeply personal passages this summer.  I have no idea how I got so lucky to have this thoughtful, kind, generous and fun-loving man for my life partner.  Maybe it was all of the frogs I kissed before him let me know how to recognize the prince.  One of my bridesmaids/besties put it more bluntly when the hubs and I first started dating..."girl, you are an asshole magnet!  If they are in Cook or the collar counties they find you.  He's normal and he's wonderful, you'll marry this one!"  She was right and 26+ years into marriage, I love him more than the day we walked down the aisle.

I was sitting here thinking of this summer and how blessed we are on so many levels.  Friends Steve and Paula were in town from Green Bay for a family event, and we went for pizza and beer one warm Saturday night and the restaurant actually closed with us still sitting on the patio laughing and talking.  We were still talking the next day about how much fun it was.  Such great people AND rowing pals to boot!

We've had a neighbor friend who is a contractor remodeling two bathrooms in the house and having him around has been a blessing not only in getting the two most ugly bathrooms in history updated, witnessing his seemingly limitless creativity has been amazing.  I came home from surgery to find he had done our medicine cabinet over in bathroom #1 in the most beautiful creation I could have asked for as a surprise for me.  And it is something I never could have imagined (I was going to paint the old shuttered one white...) It will feel empty soon when bathroom #2 is done and he is not coming through the door every morning.  

I have taken the video account craze/necessity during pandemic into my personal space to reach out to a friend in California in the same profession and reconnecting has been wonderful.  I met Mike probably close to 20 years ago at a national conference and we'd see each other in passing each year at the conference or share an email here and there.  The video connection now is always an assortment of discussions on a wide variety of topics but it has also reminded me that he is not only a great friend but mentor in sharing his expertise and experiences to enrich me personally and professionally.

Likewise with the video connection, I have reconnected just last week with an old boss that was so wonderful to work for.  He too is someone that, whether he realizes it or not, is still a great mentor and has contributed so much to my life in so many ways.  And as the years rolled by for each of us after I moved on from that job, he has become a very dear friend whose connection I treasure.

What a great birthday I had this summer as well!  Not a landmark one with over-the-top frivolity, but the hubs and I took off and he checked us into a hotel that was a bucket list destination for me.  We went to old haunts and had cheeseburgers and beers, went to a ballgame at my favorite/home ballpark and he surprised me with birthday love on the scoreboard.  We immersed ourselves in the Van Gogh exhibit, ate at a beautiful sidewalk cafe spot, shared a bottle of crisp white sauvignon blanc at another sidewalk location and walked the waterfront with coffee in hand after breakfast.  No worries, no pressures, nothing but unbridled joy in each moment.  It was heaven in 72 hours!

Rowing this summer is nothing short of spectacular.  After a fellow rower found the PERFECT spot just north of us on the river, a group of us racked our boats in the location she found and it is a little piece of paradise.  The water is beautiful, most times pure glass.  I cannot take a dozen strokes without stopping to look at the eagles flying overhead looking to the river for breakfast.  They often drop their catch on the shore near the boat racks and land to pick it apart, enjoying every morsel.  The fish jump over the stern in front of me, the swallows fly in and out of the little hidey-holes they nest in, and the only thing to worry about is the random pleasure craft approaching and creating rollers from their wake.  Where the racks are at the waterfront is immersed in wildflowers that fashion a palette of color of red, yellow and purple hues. A creature who has yet to divulge his identity leaves mussel shells on the shore from his nocturnal feast.  I recently told someone asking about my summer rowing adventures that this location was perfect for me/us because I am not an athlete, I am a cruise director, I row taking in every breath, every moment as the joy it presents.

And as I sit here post rainfall in the morning sun finishing my prose, the scene is even more blissful.  Incredible weather has blessed us this morning after a very hot, very dry summer.  The end of the week now and the end of a long several weeks on a work project, I sit in my robe with my coffee, the hubs is talking to the guy who will install the shower glass and the pups are laying in the sun next to me on the deck.  The vibrant colors of the summer flowers positively glow in the sunlight on the patio.  The breeze caresses us gently as we (pups and I) sit on the deck and it is inviting me to sit back in my chair and close my eyes and take it in, even if for a brief moment.  

In what is seemingly the blink of an eye, we will be gazing at the back wondering how much snow we got,  if we want a fire in the fireplace and what cocktail we want to toast the end of the week/start of the weekend.  So right here, right now, I am taking the time to give thanks and offer my gratitude for the summer and its love.  Every moment is my joyous blessing.

And since I'm still in my robe, guess I better put on Bruce and get into those summer clothes...

Just. freaking, grateful...

 I'm still processing a lot of this.  I've had the most amazing people support me and people I thought would be my support brush this off like I had a cold.  But as my yoga teacher pal said to me just this morning, "Cancer is cancer darling....my heart hurts for you guys!  Most people won't know or understand until they are in that predicament themselves or with a loved one...the worry, stress  and fear are infathomable until you live it!  And so many appointments,  consults, tests etc....very exhausting waaaaay before the procedure!"  I told the hubs that I don't feel worthy of the label "survivor" because it was not as traumatic as what others have been through.  But I have soul sisters (and brothers!) in my tribe who have quashed that and offered words like those above.  And I am humbled by their love.

But it does not change the fear and the surreal feeling that this happens to other people, not me/us.  It does not reduce the euphoria of hearing the words, "we got it all, clean margins, no lymph node involvement" and further directive that the only post-op action now is my appointment and bloodwork in 90 days.  No chemo, no radiation.  In no way does it change the feeling that your body has betrayed you somehow.  Unlike the aging process where you look in the mirror at the lines and creases and wonder how THAT could have happened, this is a feeling of "what was going on that I didn't pay attention to or know about?"  

The beginning of each day has a new light to it now beyond sunrise.  And though I knew he was a candidate for sainthood most of the time, the love the hubs has given me has been a good lesson for me too.  I've been the one doing for everyone else and really not paying attention to my own care.  I was conditioned from the time my brother came into my world that I was here to take care of others, often to may own detriment.  Thank goodness for the hubs who has put the brakes on and told me to SIT DOWN and take it easy so all can remain good moving forward.  Taking things slow has never been my MO and the hubs has been a good barometer so I know how and when to dial down.

I am blessed with some of the most amazing people in my life and I have had some of the greatest love sent my way through this all.  We kept this VERY quiet and told very few people because I have a family member who delights in being particularly cruel during times like this. The hubs and I worked to make sure he was kept out of the information trail so we could have the positive support without his energy marring that.  Since we are past the hardest part, handling his behavior is not an issue now.  We have been  blessed to have so much support, we are humbled that we are loved and supported by these amazing loved ones.  That is all that counts.

I have the blessing of the Mayo clinic handling my case.  From my onco, my surgeon and his resident, and all of the pathologists who figured it out and let us know it was gone.  This place is beyond remarkable and what we experienced was of the highest standard on all points.  I am blessed to be a patient there.

I sat last night watching the movie White Christmas.  Not my choice in late June but the hubs knows it's a fave of mine, so he chose it on a streaming channel.  And he promptly fell asleep as both of the fur kids did.  And I sat listening to Bing and Rosemary sing "Counting Your Blessings" and looking around, on one level it felt like another gut punch and another felt like I won the lottery.  I was so humbled, I am so blessed...

We have a loving home.  It is not a showpiece ready for tour or Architectural Digest to come photograph, it is a HOME that is complete with muddy paw prints ready for the mop on the kitchen floor.  Carpeting in the den and living room that will be replaced shortly and furniture in the den with covers because the fur kids are allowed to come up and cuddle with us.  We have the most beautiful oasis in the back in the form of deck, patio and garden that we sit and lose ourselves in.  We have transportation, work, and retirement coming shortly.

We have fur kids and anyone who knows us knows how important they are in our lives.  The new baby is only 7 months old and is so HUGE that the older one walks underneath her easily.  They wrestle, they bark, they empty the toy basket at least three times a day and I pick it up.  They drag in stuff from outside, the puppy has had accidents in the living room that I swear are her version of the middle finger.  But they are a special blessing on so many levels and I would not feel as good as I do without their medicine too.

Counting my blessings...it seems easy.  Hubs, pups, roof over my head and food on the table.  Amazing loved ones, family and friends.  Great medical care and NO MORE CANCER.  Seems easy...but I take the time to examine all of those little miracles one by one now.  The cardinals that nested in the arbor this spring, the orioles eating grape jelly from the hub's feeders.  The beauty of the farmer's market with its smells and colors of flowers and vegetables.  The warmth of the sun as I will sit in my floatie thing behind the boat while the hubs fishes on the little lake down the street.  The fish jumping just off my stern as I have my morning row north on the St. Croix river.  And ohhhhhhhh the morning row...  not even ten strokes and I have to stop and look at the beauty on the bluffs beside me.  Look at the crystal clear blue sky with an eagle overhead.  So many little miracles that are there for the taking into your soul.

There is a renewed perspective and love for all of it and the beautiful and authentic people in our lives that have been there for us.  Perspective on a good many things has shifted and though I did not endure what two of my besties from home have endured in their cancer battles, I will gratefully embrace the label of SURVIVOR from here forward.  And I will forever count my blessings like Bing and Rosemary 💗  And I won't hesitate to tell those amazing peeps in our lives how blessed we are to have them.

Thank you everyone, we are so blessed to have you and we love you so much.  I. am. so. freaking. GRATEFUL!

For little Marty...

He was the Keith Richards of the dog world.  He had taken more "drugs" and supplements than I can possibly list here. He had his own fan club at the U of MN vet hospital because he was such a frequent patient there.  There was only one department he had not been in...neurology.  And in his last days he had a seizure but we elected not to take him since it was one and over so quickly, so he could have checked that department off the list to be honest.

Everyone had a nickname for him...Marty Mouse, Marty the Marvelous, Marty Moo, Mooman, Mart, Little Man, Marty Man, Hambone, Furball, the Spin Doctor (because he spun in circles when he was excited) Bubba, little Bubbie, Bubba/Bubbie-doo...everyone had their loving label.  But whatever he was called, he should have been called brave, strong, resilient and heroic.  Because he always was.

And six weeks ago tonight, in the quiet and peace out on the deck, we sat on the couch with him in our laps as his packmate Monse hugged up to my side with her head buried in my neck, and we gently let him fall asleep and then let him gain his angel wings, moving to Heaven as I told him "run to Maya."  Maya was his BFF for almost a decade and she left us 5 years ago.  Now he sits with Tessa, Maxwell, Chico and Maya in their places of honor on a shelf in the den watching over us.

I feel him here so strongly today, missing him SO much today.  His little being was not large in physical stature but his spirit and soul were huge and the void here is palpable.  Though he had been so fragile for several months and not nearly as active, the quiet here is heart-wrenching at times.  I still go to pick him up to go to bed at night or think of it first thing in the morning to take him downstairs.  I still look at his medicine at dinner time.

He was with us 13 years, more than half our marriage...and I remember when the hubs "found" him...

The previous year had been one that brought me to my knees.  In the first 6 months of 2006 I lost both parents, two of our dogs, and our friend Edwin.  The second half I lost my job in a voicemail telling me that I took too much bereavement for my parents and I was fired.  I was in a coma.  The next year was "repair" and I got a new job teaching that started in fall--actually two jobs at two universities in the area.  I was overjoyed.

Our friend Retta was celebrating a landmark birthday and asked if we would come to Cozumel to celebrate with her and Pancho.  School had started and I could not go but the hubs planned on going and celebrating for the both of us.  Five days of his trip passed and I was due to pick him up at the airport.

You know the scene...you're meeting at baggage claim and excited hugs and smooches.  The "how was the trip, how was her party, how are the two of them, how was the weather, how was the beach, who of our friends and family did you get to see while you were on the island?"  And so we jumped into the truck quickly because I was parked right next to the door, and before I had the key in the ignition, the hubs pulled out his camera and said, "look at this little guy!"

And the next thing out of his mouth was "do you think you might be ready for another one yet?"  OHHHHHHHHHH boy, what just happened?!

It seems that when Retta and Pancho walked out the back door to go pick up the hubs at the airport the scene above is what they found.  A sweet little street dog laying on the back porch.  No explanation, no idea whose he was, but he was a cute little stinker and the whole time the hubs was there, the little guy was too.  He rode with the hubs in the morning to the bakery, he stayed there while they all went to the beach.  And on the last day of the hubs' trip, he and Retta took the little guy to the Humane Society so he would not get hurt wandering the streets.

And here I was, at the airport, JUST having picked up the hubs and seeing this picture ^^^ and my heart melted.  Oh boy, here we go... FATE just showed up at baggage claim.

So I called Monica about a week later after some discussion (Monica is "appointed family" and was president of the Humane Society at that time) and I told her that we wanted to adopt the pup that the hubs and Retta brought in but it would be a couple of months before we were back down to get him.  On the other end of the phone was this voice booming "I KNEW IT!!!  I knew that big-hearted husband of yours was not going to let that puppy stay here, I knew he'd be going home to you!"  And his destiny was sealed.  

Now I have to pause here and tell you that I cried my eyes out writing this on that 6 week mark and could not come back to it until today...6 months later.  Spring is on the horizon and as I see Monse walking the yard smelling all the new spring smells, she is alone.  The little man always loved being outside and now the void is looming large.  But I need to tell his story and do his little life justice.  So, on we go telling how he got here...

In the 2.5 months in between the hubs falling in love and Marty coming home, it was discovered he was heartworm positive.  The fast track cure for heartworm is not easy and involves intramuscular shots, painful for the skinny little man.  And heartworms die out and as they go away the little man coughed and his bark sounded hoarse.  But he would be well and coming to us hopefully feeling 100%.  So we made plans to get him home.

The hubs and I have a sweet friend named Martin who works at a favorite restaurant on the island.  For whatever reason, hubs wanted to name the new pupper Martin.  But he looked one more time at that picture from Retta and Pancho's back porch and decided he looked more like a "Marty."  And so he was to be christened.

Our dear friend Kevin and the hubs decided to make the trip together and on a wintry trip the first few days of December they flew down and stayed at our friends' house all set to bring the little man home.  So after a few days of the three buds hitting the beach and the two legged ones drinking tequila and eating chile rellenos, the boarded a plane to bring the little man home to Wisconsin.  

As we did when Maya came home from Cozumel, I had a note prepared to attach to his kennel and to give  to a flight attendant so that crew knew who his new dad was and where he was going and that it was his first plane ride.  As the hubs and Kev settled into their seats, hubs handed a flight attendant the note and asked if she'd let the captain know.  Suddenly, a voice came over the speaker calling my husband's name  and his seat number.  The voice was the captain and he said, "your son Marty is firmly ensconced in the first-class cargo section safe and sound and I can hear him barking right now."  And upon arrival at MSP airport, he stepped out into -3 and ran right to me like he had known me all his life.  And so his new life began.

He was bone thin and fur that was like a thin, blonde Brillo pad.  He had no problem adjusting to kibble for breakfast and dinner and fell right into place behind Maya and Chico.  That good food would soon turn the Brillo pad into silky blonde hair and his ribs no longer showed. There were a few scraps with Maya putting him in order and him trying to push himself with Chico, who was blind.  But life became a loving glow for the little man with good food, trips to the groomer, time sleeping on the couch (or bed at times) and Monday nights with me at puppy school where he was a star.  It was the typical scene of our family structure and path with the fur kids and a home full of love and laughter.

And about 4-1/2 years into the little man's life up north, he was getting his teeth cleaned and Dr. Eric called me.  I was home working on a consulting project and he said that he found something under his tongue and would we want it removed and biopsied.  Dr. Eric is literally a couple of blocks away and I contemplated running over to look at what it was but decided that we'd just have it removed and biopsied. And that was a turning point...

As it would turn out it was stage 1 melanoma under his tongue.  Nine years ago today the diagnosis came. And he would go on to have two more surgeries to clean the site up and get cleaner margins.  This was also the start of his stardom at the University of Minnesota Veterinary Hospital.  His fan club charter members at the U were Mandie and Sally at the front desk and Dr. Fritz who was his oncologist.  The folks in imaging were also in that group, though I cannot remember names.  He did great with these first procedures and would go on to have one more surgery to remove some salivary glands that were giving him trouble. 

Now, go figure, there is a vaccine for canine melanoma.  So every 6 months we'd go to the U for the onco checkup and vaccine.  He became a rock star and would walk in the front door to the desk to everyone fawning over him.  The swagger he strolled in with told of his "status" with his harem (most were ladies.)  One trip in for his onco appointment, he stepped onto the scale in the lobby area to be weighed as was required for each visit.  A group turned the corner led by a young lady in a white lab coat.  She squealed "MARTY!" and stooped to love on him a bit.  She then stood and said to the group of new students on their orientation tour, "Guys, this is MARTY and he is a star here, we all love him so much!"   And the Oscar goes to...  he was top of the chart, #1 in all hearts!

I've written about Maya and her journey with bone cancer and having her leg amputated.  During her first week or so home recovery was tough for her because it took several days for pain meds to find their groove.  So we rearranged the dining room to be a "recovery room" and blocked one doorway with the furniture and the other we had a fence block and hung blankets over it so that Marty and Monse would not disturb her.  Marty was despondent and stayed next to the blocked doorway round the clock until 3 days in we decided to let him have a supervised visit.  Monse was still too young and rambunctious to visit at that point but it would do Marty and Maya both good.

He came gently to his bestie and laid next to her quietly for the rest of the afternoon.  It was what they both needed and his love seemed to help her get better immediately.  His job now was watching over the queen and helping her get better so she could function on 3 legs in her new body and without pain.

And life went on and as Maya healed she resumed her spot as the matriarch and supervised the new baby, Monse.  Marty watched gently as she took to her life as a tripawd and was just amazing.  She went through treatments with chemo drugs and had mostly good days.  But on those days that were not so good, he was her guardian angel.

And on a deeply sad Saturday morning we said goodbye to Maya and came home to snuggle Marty and his new sister.  It was obvious in the coming few days that life was in disarray when Monse put her face over to him and his first strike was nipping her lip and the second was my arm as I held it up to block and protect her.  Everything was upside down for the little man and it was clear he was grieving more than we could realize and Monse just plain didn't understand.

Life adjusted in the coming days and months and it got easier and better as he adjusted to the tribe being just he and Monse.  And he had his "issues."  Pancreatitis became something to contend with and we had to make sure that we halted anything to feed him outside of the prescribed kibble.  And it meant yet a new department at the U to visit.

And on Mothers' Day in 2017 we were arrived home from dinner to a happy pair with him bouncing up and down in loving greeting only to have him hit the kitchen tiles and both front limbs splayed out to his sides dislocating his right shoulder.  Aaaaaaaaand now another department at the U, orthopedics.  

The next year was a whole series of things in attempt to get the shoulder to strengthen and stay in place that included yet ANOTHER department at the U...physical rehab!  But nearly a year after the dislocation, his shoulder had to be fused in another surgery.  We had no idea until we went to pick him up the next morning but he would be sporting a cast and we'd be back every 2 weeks for 8 weeks to have it removed, shoulder checked, and a new cast put on.  And so we headed home on April 12th with the little man sporting quite the look.

That April was quite a "spring" and it started snowing on the Friday the 13th and by Sunday the 15th we had two feet of snow.  To get a 30lb pup sporting a body and arm cast out to potty was an event.  The hubs plowed the patio and we wrapped him in a garbage bag and carried him down to potty.  You just could not have made this scenario up.  And as the weeks went along and spring showed up for real, he learned to prop on the casted arm and lean on a tree in the yard to "lift a leg."

The next 8 weeks were a challenge as one of us would sleep on the floor at night with him and listen to his sounds like mothers listen to newborns to determine if they are hungry, tired or need changing.  He had the  sounds for "I want to get up for a drink," "I want to go potty," "I'm hot, please get me an icepack," and "Flip me over like a burger because I cannot do it myself."  We left the TV on in the night muted so that we had the light to see him as he slept in case he needed help.  I carried him up to bed and back down in the morning.  We propped him against the wall to stand at his food stand to eat.  And then came that glorious day when the last cast came off and he walked through the lobby at the U with a huge smile on his face.  He smiled all the way home...

And in the coming time, he would go to rehab weekly for his shoulder and love on the girls who took care of him.  He strolled the yard, walked the neighborhood with daddy, slept on the patio furniture, laid on the bed with Monse and me watching movies at night while daddy traveled for work, barked at the neighbor dogs, and ate special treats just for him to keep his belly well.

And somewhere in those days that followed, we found that he had a small mass on his liver.

And then we found he had a heart murmur.  So as I said, we were then only one department short of covering the entire U for department visits...neurology.

The hubs made him special dinners to keep him free of pancreatitis and he loved standing next to the stove playing the sous chef as it was being prepared.  If dinner didn't come at the appointed time, there were times he'd let out that little man bark to tell you that you were falling behind on service.

And he...

💖Loved laying his head on the footboard of the bed to sleep

💖Loved laying on the patio/deck chairs

💖Loved sleeping like a frog dog

💖Loved licking your face with a tongue that was unusually sandpapery

💖Loved riding in the car

💖Loved fluffing his puppy bed before he laid down to sleep in it

💖Thought he really was 99 pounds and 3 feet tall

💖Smiled all the time

💖Winked at us

💖Could fall asleep just about anywhere and he barked and yipped in his sleep loud enough to be heard in another room.  And he dreamed a lot.

💖He walked with the "I'm the boss" strut and swagger

💖He hated us giving him a bath but loved me grooming with the clippers and would fall asleep when I did.

💖He was the bravest little man ever...he put up with any and all procedures he went through to help him feel better.

💖He loved mommy carrying him...I miss that terribly and I feel empty going to bed and coming down in the morning...

💖He was a street puppy boy from Cozumel, Mexico and left over from those days he was a little food protective and would "mark" things, especially the refrigerator for some reason.  And since he had never had or played with toys, he never touched them until he saw Monse playing with wild abandon.  And then he had only one chosen toy...

            Harry the hedgehog :)🦔

💖He loved sleeping under the coffee table in the den...and sleeping at bizarre positions on the puppy beds. And on the big chair in the den he loved sleeping on the arm of the chair on his belly...

And then came the time we dreaded, we knew that all of those health issues that we attended to so diligently could not be subtracted and instead became a zero sum game.  And last summer on out last visit to the U he came out to us as a frazzled and stressed boy that had clearly used up the reserves of his bravery and tolerance.  We decided to keep him happy and comfortable and above all pain-free.  And nearly three months later we held him and let him gently move to Heaven.

How do we sum up the joy of the little man, our lives and adventures getting him here and our lives with him over 13 years and his life of 15?  It has been 24 years since we've been a one pupper household and Monse is beyond lonely.  Her "job" was taking care of her boy; watching over him, following him, letting us know when he needed us or she thought he did.  I know there are a lot of pictures here, a lot of "him" to know but I cannot begin to touch it all...his love, his happiness, his bravery...  

But he was a stoic little soul with such courage and such character.  His "mark" is on us forever as the love he spread and the people he touched.  I wish you all would have known him...I hope you do a little bit now, here through my love and pictures capturing his spirit and soul. 

God, I hope you're taking very good care of the little man, because my heart aches missing him.  Tell him to come visit again soon...💗

And let him know we'll see him because we can't fall to sleep without the TV on anymore 💔