It has taken me so long to put my thoughts, my heart to my post here. Every time I began to write this one the words would not come because grief was too strong still and the shock hung thick over me like the winter clouds that are perpetual here in the upper midwest winter. But here I go again to try to put into words my pal Mike.
Ubuntu. I was listening to the podcasts with the late Nelson Mandela and he spoke of ubuntu. It seemed to describe Mike and everyone he touched. I am because we are. He touched and influenced SO many!
Mike moved to Heaven a couple of months ago and left an enormous void for everyone he touched. The last time a passing hit me this hard was one of my besties, Sherry. I still think "I should text Mike about this court decision, it will be good conversation for our next Zoom meeting." Or his next book to add to the list...
And such was the case last November. I started writing this as I learned Mike was gone and will try to sum up what his friendship to me was. And if you read my blog, you know that I write entirely from my heart...
So the roll of emotion with losing my friend began last fall when I had the opportunity to go to Costco unsupervised one afternoon. I note that it was unsupervised because I love to just stroll the store alone. One of my favorite strolls in that store is the book table. Though of late it is a bit lacking when it comes to publications on my wish list. Nevertheless, I always give it a quick look when I am there. Such was the case recently when I found a book on Abraham Lincoln and knew exactly who I would buy the book for. My friend Mike. We were colleagues, he was a mentor and an amazing friend over the span of many, many years. This was just up his alley! I prepared a box with a note and bound it up to send off but realized I did not have his address handy. I set the box aside and for a stretch of days forgot all about it.
A few days later I texted him that I had this great book to send him and about an hour later a reply text from his daughter told me that Mike has passed away 3 days earlier.
These are the gut punches that take some time moving beyond. I knew that Mike was in the process of battling cancer, but this I did not expect. How do I process that my remarkable friend, mentor and zoom buddy is no longer present? He was a dear friend I never expected to connect with...it was pure chance that we became good friends.
More than two decades ago, I was at the annual HR conference held by my professional association and I had just passed my professional exam. I was SO excited about this particular conference for so many reasons! The lovely ladies that I roomed with each year had gone to the nearby dollar store and bought the closest thing they could get to a vase which was a toilet brush with holder and put a dozen roses in it as part of the congratulatory arrival surprise. Accompanying my bouquet was a delightful bottle of wine named "Fat Bastard" and a t-shirt with my credentials on it. It was a beautiful June weekend and I was excited about having passed my exam, having time with my beloved gal pals, and navigating what was typically 12,000 people and about 1200 vendors.
Like most international conferences, there were concurrent learning sessions every day, all day. Some years this organization really hit the mark, some years not so much. This was a year that I found one speaker that truly made an enormous difference not only in my career but life because he became a wonderful part of my path. Mike held a session that was not only great information I could take back to train clients but he was so open and accessible to talk to that I could not wait to engage him in conversation about some of the work scenarios I encountered.
As years went by, we stayed in touch by email and on occasion I would ask his permission to reference his copyrighted materials in my training sessions providing he got credit for creation. As conversations expanded, Mike was that person that would email in return to my questions and send documents saying "take my training session information here and use what you can, please just credit me." Giving this brilliant guy credit was a no brainer! But it was so very humbling to have him share his creations with me.
As the pandemic hit us all early in 2020, Mike suggested that we have zoom "meetings" though all we were "meeting" about was catching up on what we were doing. Mike's beloved wife Joanie was a nurse (not long ago retired) and he was so very proud to tell about her hard work and long hours caring for people going through so much. He delighted in telling me that his latest project was assigned by his grandson and they were building a monster truck together in the back yard. I regularly got text messages with pictures showing the progress of the monster truck as they built and painted and created. He told me about his daughters Danielle who lived nearby and Nicole in Boston and what was going on with them. His pride in his family was something that I loved hearing about. He loved the days when his grandkids were there playing in the California sunshine of his backyard.
He had the best sense of humor...just like my Dad and father-in-law; that dry humor that if you don't know it, you're not sure if the person is kidding or not. I loved it because it reminded me of Dad and my father-in-law; two men I adored but are no longer here with me. Mike announced to me one "meeting" that he and Joanie were going to buy a camper and come park in our driveway for a week in the coming fall so that they could see the colors. That was Mike's sense of humor because he knew the stories of the neighborhood "rules" here.
An opinion came out in 2021 from the Supreme Court and he sent me a copy and asked what I thought about it. When Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, he let me know in no uncertain terms what side of the aisle he was on and THEN we could talk about her contribution to women's role in society.
Mike said that he had a stack of books that he was plowing through and he was a voracious reader. We laughed that though we shared a great deal of interest in the same subject matter, he had no desire to sit on the patio and read Nora Roberts when it came to literature. His passion for reading inspired me to review my "stack" and commit to attacking the myriad of subjects in it. When I mentioned that looking at the stack put me off because it felt overwhelming at times, he said to me "Oh that's easy, you just commit to one chapter a night. If you go more, great. But one chapter a night." I'm working on that Mike.
We discussed spirituality a bit, thoughts about organized religion, things in life that shaped our path as we grew in our careers. Despite some differences in ideology, we had experienced so many similar situations that were impactful and so much was congruent in how we viewed our desire to see people grow into the best iteration of themselves in their jobs. We both loved our jobs training and teaching people to find their best, be good leaders, learn every day.
As I prepared to retire from consulting (training and leadership/management consulting) and just teach yoga and do personal training, I wanted to leave my last client with really good material. Mike and I had a zoom date and I was fretting a bit about what I perceived as my lack of impact at this location. Mike and I talked about some of the things that were in place at this client and he told me to check my email and read through what he was going to send. And there it was...some of his material on training leads that he told me would work (we thought) well with my final quarter at this client site. Why was I not surprised...kind, generous, scary smart, simply amazing.
Ubuntu. That is you Mike. I am because we are. And I am most confident that from your lofty perch that you are still wondering who you could help, whose life you could help make happier/better/more productive. You are that beloved guardian angel for Joanie, Danielle and the kids, Nicole, and all of the people who love and miss you.
There are so many in my life I am grateful for and suddenly I am moved to write more about them. I think that is a little of Mike's motivation as well. Because there are so many that fit into the ubuntu definition. I hope he can see how many people have become their best selves because of him and his influence.
So Mike, I have a great book to take to the beach on vacation. I'm excited about it. An autobiography that is a person who was an enormous influence on getting apartheid abolished and Mandela out of prison. A dynamic actor and musician in a band that I love...a Renaissance man maybe? But somehow I am guessing it's not your taste...
Stevie Van Zandt of the E Street Band, Sopranos, and Underground Garage fame. Unrequited Infatuations is the book.
Yeah, you're more an Abraham Lincoln read. But I'll let you know how I like it.
Keep guiding us from above my friend. I miss our video connections and your humor. And pictures of the monster truck. Until we meet again... I will pass the torch and share what I can as you did with such honor to all of us. I am so very grateful for you.
