October 30, 2024...
Life has been busy, moving like a rushing stream after a rain it seems. The whole last year feels like a blur, mostly racing by in a wash of different levels of grief at times as we lost a beloved elder. As her trustee, her memory is kept alive through contact with our new "appointed" family whom we love like they have been there all our lives. Other times, it is the depth of business connected with the estate that keeps she and her "love bug" (husband Norman) in our presence on a regular basis. We also have a beloved BFF that is an enormous part of our lives moving through the stages of cancer and treatment that keep us focused with razor sharp hearts on what is important at this stage.
Thus the timing of the last few weeks. Yesterday in particular. It was a day layered with emotion and I found myself sitting with my wine last night while the hubs was at puppy school with one of the fur kids as I processed a heart full of "stuff."
Yesterday was my parents' 70th wedding anniversary. They have been gone nearly 19 years now. If you've read any of the entries of the blog, you know that while my Dad and I were close and he was my first love, my mother and I had, on a fantastic day, a challenging relationship. I am, as my childhood girlfriend has said, generous in my memories of my mother and I have chosen that simply so that the trauma of some of her words and actions do not rule my memories. My Dad had Alzheimer's (though he actually died of pneumonia) and it is one tough path for family and caregivers, even after our loved ones are at peace in the end. They were married more than 50 years when they died 6 months apart.
So, when I found myself with our therapy dog visiting dementia patients yesterday, my heart was heavy and full at the same time. One person in particular pulled on my heart. As we went in to ask if they wanted a visit from pet therapy, the patient's children and a couple of grandchildren were there. They were over the moon to have the pup come in! The patient was not really "present" but they asked if I would pick my pup up and lay her on the bed (she's a smaller breed mix.) I did and she laid her head on the patient's leg and started to lick their fingers. My heart almost fell out of my chest with love. The family was in heaven watching their loved one open their eyes and make sounds and wiggle fingers to find my pup to pet her. They told me that the patient's pup had to be put to rest 3 weeks ago and one of the granddaughters pointed to the blue velvet bag on a shelf that said "I'll see you at the Rainbow Bridge." They asked if they could take her picture with their loved one and spent a good amount of time loving on her themselves. We talked about my Dad and I told them that when my Dad's dog came to visit that Dad would start talking in full, coherent sentences. While it was a pull on my heart strings, it was clear that this was a wonderful time for the patient and their family. After we were done, I ran into them in the parking lot and they thanked us again for taking time to spend with their loved one.
It is such a simple thing, take my little furry girl to see people; elders, dementia patients, sick people, the chemo patients getting infusions, kids at schools. But the time can be felt multiplied exponentially in volumes of love, sometimes relief, sometimes small breakthroughs. Yes, it took time to take her to classes and to practice and pass a certification test to do this. But compared to that, the time we spend hopefully bringing joy to others, giving love and joy and sometimes hope cannot be measured in any way that I can think of.
Driving home thinking about this gave way to thinking about one of my yoga students. I teach yoga at a global headquarters corporate fitness center in our area. I am blessed to teach twice a week; one in person and one virtual. In person class has a gentleman that has been a regular for the last year at least. He is just a little bit younger than I am and is here from Korea working. I only mention where he is from because I have a love and passion for learning about other cultures and am devout in my belief that curiosity is the gateway to understanding and acceptance. The more you are learning about someone, the more there is to embrace.
Several weeks ago as we started to warm up for class, we determined it would be just he and I that day. I shared that I would be gone for the next 2 weeks on vacation to Peru and he asked if I was going to Machu Picchu. I told him I was, it was a "bucket list" trip for both my husband and me. He then asked me if I had seen the movie "The Bucket List." I told him I had not and asked him what it was about, assuming it was about checking things off the "bucket list."
He gave me a short synopsis of the plot with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman but stopped short of detailing anything and told me I needed to see it myself. He said what he found most important were the two questions. When I asked him what two questions, he said that part of the plot was that Morgan Freeman's character asks Jack Nicholson's character two questions about finding joy in life:
*have you found joy in your life?
*has your life brought joy to others?
Morgan Freeman asks Nicholson these questions after telling him about an ancient Egyptian belief that the gods ask these two questions to souls at the entrance to heaven. The answers determine whether the soul is admitted to heaven. And it had my mind explode into thought...
In a time of such hate and such judgment, do YOU, do WE bring joy into others' lives? Sometimes it is easy, sometimes you have to truly create a focus of it. Recently, this popped into my social media account:
So, what do you think? Which is more important or which is more important to YOU? To others in your circle? To the world now? I know I have found joy in my life but I think of the others who so desperately need it and I try to use my life to create joy in others' lives.
February 6, 2025...
As I reflected back on 2024 (update, this is now 2025 since I am stellar at procrastination) I recall a young man that I met as I hired him for a business project connected to the estate I mentioned I am trustee for. The project required that I engage the services of an art appraiser with a special focus. No small task, let me assure you. I found a young man (I say "young" because I have about 22 years on him) willing to take on the project and he and his colleague traveled to do the work where the collection is housed not far from where we live. Upon finishing the first day, the hubs and I invited the two of them to dinner. As we sat and began to unwind, I asked my new friend what was on his dance card for the summer since we were at the front door of June. I expected him to say something like he was going to paint the bedroom or landscape in his yard. His answer intrigued me when he replied "I'm contemplating the difference between joy and pleasure." Now THAT got my grey matter churning...
What is the difference between joy and pleasure to each of us? Joy? I think of some of the recent travel the hubs and I have done. Especially the concerts. Wrigley Field and our third Dublin concert to see Springsteen. The Boss in Pittsburgh where we spent time with the hub's last uncle and a passel of cousins that we laughed and loved with and realized we had not seen in nearly 25 years. Our annual trip to Ireland and time with our beloved friends Michelle and Damien that we adore. All were certainly pleasurable but on another note, truly gave us immense JOY!
As we progressed on this project a few weeks later, I was in contact with my new pal to let him know that we would be in Chicago to meet up with some family and see the Rolling Stones in concert. As a resident of the Chicago area, he commented that it would really be fun to attend that concert but he had his kids that weekend and was tied up. Ever being the hedonistic, sparkly super nova of "go for it" moments, I suggested that he take his kids if they were an appropriate age. He commented that he'd think about it.
To my great JOY, I got a text a few days later telling me that not only did he take his kids to the show but his parents too!!! Then at that moment I absorbed the difference that can present itself between the two elements of joy and pleasure. In a conversation shortly thereafter I could FEEL the joy that emanated from this wonderful friend as he told me about the JOY of experiencing a concert that truly is historical (FYI the 3 remaining founding members of the Rolling Stones playing are over 80) with not only his two kids but his parents.
Pleasure? I get great pleasure from completing my to-do list in a timely fashion. I get great pleasure from getting the parking spot on the end at Costco. I feel great pleasure at finding what I want on sale and walking out of the store feeling like I won the lottery even if I only saved $3. But JOY? That is the glittering energy that fills you from head to toe and lasts when you pull the thoughts back inside you. That is what I feel thinking of Springsteen concerts in Ireland we've been to and hearing the song "Thunder Road." That is the feeling looking at the hubs and my pups. That is what fills me up on summer days rowing on a quiet morning looking at the eagles sitting in the trees.
In a world SO filled with bad vibes these days, find your JOY. Lately there is such lousy energy out there at times, it takes work. But keep your focus, find your JOY and hang on for dear life. Spread that JOY all over the place...
Oh, yes! And by the way, make a little effort to bring JOY to others for a snippet of time. You never know what battles people are fighting silently, send them something to fill their hearts.
Carry on sparkly super novas!
