There are a great many groups in the club you can join. My friend Sheila mentioned she had joined the Writer's group and was enjoying it so much. I've been able to make it to a couple of the group meetings (which are quite informal and the subject matter can wander the road from sex to local artists to food) and have quite enjoyed it. Sheila asked me to join her at the kick off of the beginning of the new "year" next week as they all prepare their own writings on "anticipation." Since I can't be there (working with a client) Sheila told me that if I wrote something, she would be kind enough to share it. So here it is...in breathless anticipation :)
Anticipation. Carly Simon sang about it and it was the theme of my first formal dance in high school. The lyrics still burn in my mind…
Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'
And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me
But I, I rehearsed those lines just late last night
When I was thinkin' about how right tonight might be
The anticipation of the doorbell ringing and a date with a box of flowers, of my first formal dress. The anticipation of a slow dance, a kiss, holding hands. Anticipation of another date with a boy that was the “catch” of the junior class and class president.
Anticipation. Makin’ me late, keepin’ me waitin’. What does it do to us in life moments? The waiting…
Sitting with a loving Father who has Alzheimers. Will he remember me? Will he be able to speak today? Will he be laughing or crying. The anticipation of a day with a loved one. Anticipation of his beautiful smile and laughter.
The anticipation as I drive home, to where I was born and where my only sibling lives. Closer, I feel like the highway is being pulled in the opposite direction, away from me. Causing the time to slow…makin’ me late, keepin’ me waitin’. The anticipation of seeing my brother, spending time in places with memories and taking me back. Anticipation of a full heart making great memories still.
Anticipation. The catch of my breath as my loving husband walks through the door off a plane from a business trip. Safe, home again. The love in my heart that still jumps after 23 years together. The flutter of my soul knowing that smile is ours forever. I am beyond blessed to have him.
Anticipation of the school year and my classes and students and a job I loved. The thrill of meeting them, the excitement of the year to come teaching them. Then the anticipation of the next step as I face the reality that my days as a professor are in the rear view mirror without so much as a ceremonial goodbye.
Anticipation as we sit in an exam room at the University of Minnesota Vet school waiting to hear about our tripawd girl and if her cancer has spread. The anticipation of the bad news as they explain more has spread to her lungs. We have no human children, they are our fur kids. The anticipation of bad news has done us in. The confirmation slammed the lid down hard.
And yet…
Last Wednesday the anticipation of the next exam of our tripawd and the excitement of our oncology vet as she burst into the room to tell us that the cancer is shrinking and in some cases disappearing from her lungs. Did we take the time to anticipate that it would be good news after so many messages that broke our heart?
And two days later, the anticipation of the vet looking at our boy pup and telling us to move his check up at the University oncology department up, there is something of concern he sees and it can’t wait. My heart is paused, my breath caught. The appointment desk is not open for days, it is a holiday. The anticipation of what is next. The slow drag of time until I can call.
The anticipation of and sadness at the close of summer and onset of winter. The flowers and plants I choose and plant and care for all those months retreating to their winter homes to wait for me to coax them out again next spring and into the warmth of the sun of next summer.
Anticipation of a wedding (several!) on the calendar. The anticipation of laughter with friends and people we love. Anticipation of dancing and pictures and tears of happiness as I watch brides walking to a beautiful future and grooms watching with love. The time with my own loving husband to recall our love and remember when it was young.
The anticipation of a vacation and connecting with our friends on an island so far from here that we have loved for over 20 years. The beach, the sun, the laughter and stories. The quiet of the time reading and listening to waves in their rhythmic song of the surf.
The anticipation of age. There is a biopsy in a few weeks. What will they find? Still nothing or will age bring something to navigate that is new? I’m healthy! I row crew and I box. How can age be so mystical and at times a betrayal? Anticipation of the positive, that is the focus…
Anticipation. It brings the best and the worst of emotions. The highs and the lows of our heart and soul. Our breath catches in our throat, our heart stops for a moment, our soul soars and plummets. We are euphoric and we are devastated. Anticipation takes us to the best and the worst of places in our lives and yet it is the co-pilot because we choose how we embrace it and we don’t realize that. Do we let it become the positive or the negative focus. So often we find the latter without realizing it.
So I will follow Carly Simon with a light heart right now and say…
And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days
MY GOOD OLD DAYS. Anticipation of the GOOD to come! I am blessed, I have a life of love and gratitude.
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