Grateful for holiday magic

The holidays are really what you make them.  And the last few years I, without realizing it, have made them a BAH HUMBUG kind of time.  Too much to do, too much year-end stuff to deal with, cold and nasty weather where we live, money spent on people who don't need to have another thing, cookies left over that we don't need and created a mess to make and resulted in my mother's dishes broken one year that I held dear.  Decorating that is a pain in the ass and we just put away again in a month, BAH HUMBUG.

But today as I am getting ready to dig out decorations and decide what is going to be hung where, I am moved to write about the holidays in a different way, hopefully setting a tone for a different outlook this year.

You see, the last 10 years have been a quiet pierce to my heart.  In 2005 my Daddy celebrated his birthday at the beginning of December and then moved to Heaven not 2 weeks later.  We stayed at my Mom and Dad's, my childhood home, until the 22nd of December after he was buried, and though we were prepared to stay through Christmas to be with Mom, she wanted to be alone and wanted us to head home so as to avoid bad weather.  My brother was also prepared to stay with her instead of going to his in-laws 90 miles away but Mom insisted she was fine.

Christmas has really never been the same.  And it is not like we don't "celebrate" here, but it is still not the same.  It just isn't...and that's OK.  Life changes things and it's OK.  When Dad's birthday and "anniversary" come we celebrate his life.  But Christmas-time is not the same.

This morning I watched a video that moved me to tears.  And it made me recall how much I LOVED Christmas and all of the spirit that goes along with it.  Not the presents and the material part, the SPIRIT that seems to flow in various ways.  This video contained two of my all-time favorite songs, Greensleeves and Carol of the Bells.  And listening I went back to a place that made me smile, laugh, and recall a couple of Christmas seasons where I could not get enough of the spirit and I was in the thick of it!

I graduated from college in December and promptly came home to my first "job" out of college.  A job fitting for the season.  Not necessarily a "big girl job" but a job and a fun one nonetheless.

I was THE Talking Christmas Tree at a large local department store (think like Macy's) at the bottom of the escalator where EVERYONE had to pass by.  I qualified for this job because of my small build and the fact that it allowed me to fit in the VERY small compartment under said tree and sit for hours at a time.  For minimum wage.  And the employee discount.

The Talking Christmas Tree was a contraption that was built with wide eyes and a mouth that moved up and down via a wire that ran down to the area where I sat allowing me to pull on it and make it look like it was talking.  The tree itself was on a swivel and I could turn it around to make it appear that the tree was indeed watching you (or someone else) as you moved past it.  AND even better, the boxed in area where I sat was 3 sides of one way mirror so that I could see everyone who walked by--and they could not see me.  The purpose of this was (supposedly) allow me to see kids coming and  talk to them as they walked by.  I also had a microphone attached to my collar so the tree would be heard by the kids with no problem.

It was heartwarming to see kids walk by and I would ask them to come tell me what they wanted Santa to bring.  Their eyes grew wide, they smiled and giggled.  Often parents would get the whole set up and mouth their child's name so I could respond and say "James, I KNOW you've been really good this year and that Santa will come see you but I need to give him some ideas."  Or, "Becky, are you ready to put cookies out for Santa and Rudolph and the reindeer when they stop at your house?"  I sat there for 8 hours a day and had a ball and the time flew.  It was a labor of love.

It also came with its share of fun.  An old high school "pal" (I kind of had a crush on him my sophomore year but that was short-lived) walked by one day and the tree said "Hey _____________  (I'll preserve his anonymity) I know for a fact you have NOT been a good boy and Santa is NOT stopping by your house!"  He stopped dead in his tracks and about wet himself.

SWEET.

And he came by day after day asking The Talking Christmas Tree under his breath "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU IN THERE?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

I don't think he ever figured it out.

And there was the guy who brought his 5 year old daughter but each and every time asked me to meet him for drinks after I got off.

DUDE you have no clue what I look like or how old I am...what if I'm 16?

What I loved even more is that he turned out to be the soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law of the dear friend who would one day be my maid-of-honor :)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

But the best was on the weekends...

A local high school choral group would stroll through the mall (this store was an anchor store) and dressed in period garb sing carols all day Saturday and Sunday.  It was pure magic listening to them.  I found myself between goosebumps and tears when they sang.  The first season I was The Tree, I was obligated to work Black Friday like everyone else.  This was the first time I heard them and listened with wide eyes at the beauty of their collective voice singing traditional and modern holiday songs.  I found out that the group would take requests if The Tree would talk to them.  I asked them to sing Carol of the Bells if they knew it.

WOW did they know it.  I was in awe.

My heart filled to overflowing.  This group of high school boys and girls could take your soul to new heights with their music.  I asked for Greensleeves.

My heart melted and I was happy I only had to listen because I simply could not talk.  My heart AND my eyes were full.

Before they left, one of the boys asked if I liked the tune "Silver Bells."  OH. MY.  My world was now complete.  And they closed my private concert with that song.  I thanked them profusely for making my day.

They must have made a mental note of it because each holiday weekend, they would assemble in front of The Tree and ask if it was me (I did whisper my first name to them the first time they sang) and bless me with my 3 favorite songs.  Though I loved this silly, pay-nothing job sitting on a piece of carpeting on a cold tile floor for hours and hours, hearing them each weekend sent my soul straight to Heaven and sealed the deal that this was the best holiday job anyone ever had.  The fact that they had my personal "playlist" ready was even more heartwarming.  THIS is what the holiday spirit is all about.

So imagine my heart this morning when I saw this video and heard the songs.  I think that this was meant to be put in my path this morning.  A morning where I struggle to function from no sleep last night.  A morning after my Dad's birthday and our pup Chico's yesterday too (he moved to Heaven last summer), missing them so much. A little over a week to the 10th anniversary of my Dad's move to Heaven.  A day where all I can think of is my to-do list and how shitty this year has been; I just want it over.

A day when I needed to watch this video and be transported back to my first job out of college.  To days when songs, simple songs, took my heart to soulful and happy places and made me smile and laugh and remember that this is a season of joy and laughter and love.

If you choose to let it be...

And I needed to be reminded to make that choice this year.  To let it be about spirit and love.

Enjoy this video and I challenge you not to tear up as you do.  Let your heart be light...