Grateful for who I am

Recently I was making a connection in an airport and ran into a person I used to do some consulting with.  Colleague kind of, we did some of the same type of work for the same company at one time.  I had not seen this person in a good many years but I kind of knew what they were doing.

We exchanged greetings and discussed where we were on our way to and that the holidays were approaching and talked about whether we were ready for the typical Christmas and New Year's activities.  My former colleague asked where I was headed and I mentioned home since I had been on vacation with the hubs but he had to take a different flight due to booking details.  I also asked where my colleague friend was off to and they said that a business gig was the itinerary.

Then came the "what have you been doing" the last 10 years or so discussion.  I mentioned that as this person knew, I am a recovering Human Resources executive from years back and have been consulting through my own company for about 18 years and now am also a retired professor.  They did mention they remembered that I taught at 2 universities and that I loved my students.  The next question was, "so what was your consulting gross last year?"

Gross as in teaching harassment prevention to people who should know better?  Or gross in that I have to do puppy poop patrol on work breaks since my office is in my home?

When I sidestepped the question (instead of politely informing them it was no one's business but mine what my income was,) a more direct question was lobbed.  "Well then what exactly ARE you doing now in your consulting business?"

Hmmmmm.  I said that I have a number of small clients I love, one larger client that is family owned by a brother and sister pair that I also love working with, and a large luxury car dealership group in the metro area that keeps me on projects and their HR director is my Rock Star pal who I love working for.  Other clients from years back make occasional appearances and have me work on Organizational and Management Development, and Leadership Coaching projects with the coaching end of my business.  And a few hours a week I work for a gal pal in her retail store where everything is fair trade, sustainable, philanthropic, service-oriented and/or has a story and a purpose (my true philosophical passions in life.)  I row crew in the summer, I box and cycle.  The hubs and I referee regattas for US Rowing.  I work volunteering on animal rescue transports.  Semi-retired, looking for snowbird property, taking care of rescue pups and the hubs.

That about covers it.  A blessed life I am passionately grateful for.  I simply could not ask for more.

I am seldom if ever speechless but my colleague's response was "Wow, I thought you'd be more.  You know, BE more."

It took me a minute to recover myself and my thoughts and I asked if they could clarify BE MORE.  The response was another that left me speechless.

"You know, BE MORE.  You were a great trainer and public speaker, why are you not speaking?  Why are you not traveling the country training groups of people?  Why are you not up on stage doing your thing?  You could have written a book, what about that?  You could have BEEN MORE."

Oh shit, now it's in past tense.

And it didn't help my inner monologue that since I had a 5:20 a.m. flight to get to this point, I looked like something the dog gakked up instead of the business-suited woman this person had last seen years ago--heck it was the end of vacation.

I had to think about my response because I simply did not know where to go for a few minutes.  But I put it into a vision that is mine and not driven by money or being the "sage on the stage" but instead focused on philanthropy and serving and helping others in whatever way presents itself.  I am not religious but instead am extremely spiritual so I focused on that for putting the proper words into play.

"I am who I am supposed to be at any given time guided by my heart, soul and/or spirituality.  For 15 years I was a sorority advisor/mom and was daily helping college women find their way, develop their sense of a healthy and strong self, and get ready for the world after campus.  I am still a great trainer and some days I get paid for it via a client contract, and some days it is a former student calling for help preparing for an interview.  For 15 years I was a professor that worked at preparing students for being good business people.  I am still a good HR professional that focuses on making sure my clients are well-served.  I am a great coach that helps my clients in their path to be better leaders."

"I am a woman, who despite never having given birth, has hundreds of children (mostly young women) who have had the hubs and I participate in their weddings and now bring their babies, our "grandchildren" into our lives to create even more joy.  They bring their laughter, their tears, their questions to lay in front of me to help them navigate as well."

"I am a good friend to those in my life, my circle.  I would do anything in my power for my friends and am fiercely loyal to their love and devotion to me."

"I am a good wife (at least the hubs says so!) and a good rescue puppy mom.  I waited a long time to marry this great guy and he's my best friend and I support all he does in work and life and he supports me 1000%.  I have 4 pups in spirit that I have cared passionately for until they moved to Heaven and now have two more as my furry co-workers that want for nothing.  And we devote our time to all of those who have no voice and count on us for help."

"I have had the privilege of working with some of the most brilliant minds in the legal field who are globally known and respected, some of the most well-known politicians, and met some pretty amazing people in my path.  I worked my ass off for an MBA with honors and have a few classes tossed toward a doctorate program (but that is just SO not going to  happen...too much like work right now.)  I am professionally certified in my field and own a business I am proud of.  I have served on boards as a volunteer helping make lives richer."

"So what more do you THINK I should BE?  Because I cannot think how I could be more BLESSED.  I am healthy and have a great life."

My colleague proceeded to tell me about the national speaking tours they are on and the DVDs they developed to train others and the book they have written and that they simply meant that I could be doing that and making so much money like they were.  How in demand they were in their field.  I could be what they were and doing what they are doing and making money like I won the lottery.

True.  But I think I already won the lottery.

If I was on that path, I would never be home and my focus would be on myself instead of my family unit and the people out there who need a voice, need an advocate, need love and support that I choose to help.  I would not be giving my time to those who need someone to listen and guide and provide a soft place to fall.

And I am just fine with my income, thanks very much :)  It's over the top on so many levels.

And despite that, I'm still wearing a pair of shoes I bought in 1982 that I refuse to give up. :)


What is it that has people measuring themselves against others or standards that are so empty and have nothing to add to a soul?  Material things, bank accounts, cars, business status, houses (not HOMES) and what society thinks of us.  We have a lovely HOME and usually dog hair is a condiment here.  We have cars made in this century that have no payment and function perfectly.  We have a solid retirement fund in place, we make sure we give generously to those in need (since they need it and we have it) and we have each other and we love our circle of peeps in our lives that are so loving and kind.

A few of the people in our homeowner's association bitch daily about their "home values" and the appearance of the other homes taking away from them "appearing affluent."  Does "appearing affluent" make you a decent person and one who is valued, loved and respected?  GAWD is that the standard people are running toward every day?

So as my former colleague finished their epistle about their career highlights and how I really could BE more even still if I wanted (OMG, there is still time!) I simply had to reflect on how much I loved my life and that it was not lived measured by others' expectations, but instead in being a good person and helping those who needed me.  I could write a book but I like writing a blog about my gratitude more.

There was one final "compliment" issued as we said goodbye and went to our gates to catch flights.

"Well you have aged beautifully because you don't look a day over 40 and you're the same size you were the last time I saw you!"

Well gee, there is that.  I guess I AM something.

However pal, 3 sizes down from the last time you saw me and I possess a right hook shot that would knock you cold if you were on the other end :)

So here's to our authentic selves, our souls, our hearts and not caring what your GROSS is.  Let us all be and embrace our weird selves and love every second of our lives and give back to those who need us.  To being grateful for our lives and blessings.

Namaste dudes and dudettes.