Grateful for my soul mate

This post may be long but worth it.  It's about the hubs.

To say that I am blessed with this kind man of great soul and patience, of support and kindness, of wit and heart...  It is truly the most significant understatement there is.  I am beyond blessed having him for my soul mate.

But I waited a long. freaking. time.

And I dated every asshat in Chicago.  Culled through all of them in Cook and the collar counties.  Many in Sangamon county.  A couple in Coles county.  One in Champaign county I recall.  My gal pal Lisa called me "the asshole magnet."  She said if they were within 100 miles, they would ask me out.

You get the idea.  A lot of frogs, several nut jobs, one fiancé along the trail.  And finally at 34 with little hope of meeting anyone with any sanity and/or stability, here came the hubs.

His secretary introduced us.  I was waiting outside the door of the room where he was training new sales reps (to have lunch with one of them) and she insisted I should meet him.  "Sally, he is so sweet and such a nice guy!"  Noooooo Lottie, he's from Jersey, drinks 2 pots of coffee a day and annoys the crap out of me.

Fast forward a few months later at a happy hour with all women, one of whom was his boss.  As we all regaled in "worst date" stories, he stood silently by and had one beer and left.  His boss said, "Sally, he was here for YOU!"  The following Monday we had lunch and I discovered Lottie was right, he was wonderful.  Despite the coffee all day :)

One day waiting for him for lunch, the other secretary in the training department asked if she could tell me a story about him.  New love interest so of course you can tell me stories!

Emma was in what I thought was her early 40's or late 30's at that time.  Beautiful African American gal who had an amazing spirit and laugh.  She told me that she had asked the guys in the department if they had, or knew anyone who had, a suit for a gentleman at their church who played the piano.  The gentleman was homeless and no longer wanted to be in the front of the church playing because he didn't have proper "church clothes."  She put the word out to try and find some for him.  She said in her culture, church was the time to really dress up and she wanted him to have special church clothes.

The next morning, in came the hubs and requested Emma join him in his office.  In a suit bag he had a suit, shirt and tie for her gentleman at church.  He told Emma that she was to give it to him but not to put a story behind it.  She was to present the outfit to him as HIS new church clothes, just for him! He commented that they were his, not hand-me-downs, and his dignity was the only important thing in the gift that was to be considered.

I fell in love a little more.

The morning of the day we got married, the doorbell at my parents' house rang.  I had just gotten out of the bathtub, mom was not home and neither was dad.  All I could think was REALLY???  Tossed on a robe, opened the front door.

There they were.  A vase with 3 red roses.  And a note.  "One for you.  One for me.  One for our new life together."

And nearly every anniversary since I get 3 red roses and a similar note.

Tolerant.  The man is a saint.  With a great sense of humor.  He has survived menopause with me and a nasty bout with 2 strains of Bartonella.  Bartonella, by the way, is a disease with a key symptom of "combative behavior."  Yeah, try enduring menopause AND that at the same time if you're the hubs.  And I'm still alive.

He's not only tolerated but supported my love of animals and all of the rescue "events" I've drug him to and through.  A previous post told of our transports and how much we love driving the dogs to new fosters or furever homes.  But he has survived other "rescue runs" with a great sense of humor.

One cold Saturday morning we were up early and I was reading my Facebook page.  A friend has posted that there was a deceased dog, white and fluffy, at the on ramp to the interstate at an exit in our town.  I mentioned it as I sipped coffee.  It haunted me.  I got up to go change and the hubs asked what I was doing.  I said I could not let that poor pup lay there without its family being notified so they could get it.  I called our animal control officer who is an amazing gal and works Saturdays at our vet.  She mentioned she could not get there until after work.

Off we went.  He was not about to let me go alone.

We pulled off onto the shoulder of the exit and he made me stay in the car.  If the pup was in bad shape he would not let me see.  As he returned to the car, he dialed our animal control gal on the cell. "False alarm girlfriend, deceased bathroom rug on exit 2."

It was a fuzzy white rug.  A deceased bathroom rug.  Thank you God :)  On more than one level.

As I breathed a sigh of relief, my loving hubs asked if breakfast at our local dive bar would be in order.  Of course.  I owed him at least that.  He's unflappable.  He's my rock.

I will most certainly write more about him as I go along.  He's my saint.  And as we are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage, this man I waited so long for, I acknowledge how very blessed I am to have had God drop him in my lap in my late 30's.  I had given up and was certain I would never find anyone like him.  I don't tell him often enough...

Here's to you sweet guy, I love you more :)

Grateful for a former boss, great mentor, lifelong friend

Today has been a day.  I will flat out say, unapologetically...

I have wanted to fucking kill a number of people.  I had a list when the morning started--my husband's employer, their new payroll provider (who neglected to put the money in the right account so I could pay bills and then said WHO CARES) and my computer who has been eating CDs and losing my new client's information since early morning.  And I have not felt inspired to write about being grateful lately.

I went to the gym and blew the doors off my 5K time and rowed a bit.  This feeling was a great motivator at the gym.  By the time noon was here and new issues (like the healthcare provider not paying claims and the dental one denying the ones that are covered) I was off-the-chart pissed again.

Mercury is in retrograde, what can I say...

And the hubs has always said I have a VERY long fuse, VERY loud explosion.  Run for cover...

But as I logged back on to the computer after a shut down to try and eject the CD, my email opened to a lovely note from a former boss.  I don't think he ever realized at the time I worked for him what a great mentor he was though I did have occasion to tell him recently.  And now, nearly 30 years later, he's a very cool friend I treasure and know will be lifelong.  His notes make my week when they arrive.

I worked for a law firm in my 20's and early 30's.  Fresh out of an engagement to a "frog" (the ex-fiance kind) and trying to find a career path.  I didn't know what I wanted to do but knew I needed to have a challenge and something that would stimulate my intellect.  And who knew until I was in grad school and took an IQ test that there was any intellect there :) -- high enough to qualify for Mensa (NO thanks) but know I was bored with what I was doing.  It was a tough time as it can be for many at that age.  Not a time I would want to relive, it was transition and thankfully is behind me.  Character builder my Daddy used to call it.

I worked for the first name on the door and one other partner who was a little older than myself.  First name was internationally known, and a rockstar-extraordinaire in the legal world (he would probably gag hearing me use terms like that given his education) and my other partner was of equal stature though quite a lot younger.  Erudite men, amazing and educated.  I learned more from them than I can speak of in a simple blog.  I owe them the creation of who I am to many former students--The Grammar Nazi.  A moniker I treasure.  (But don't adhere to myself here on the blog...)

While Older was amazing in his own right, Younger was who I watched and listened to and looked for examples of leadership.  He was a great mix of way cool, funny, brilliant, and incredibly composed in dealing with clients and other attorneys that were, at times, mercurial at best.  He was/is a great husband, father, friend.

We worked late, late nights in trial prep.  We worked weekends.  We worked on incredible cases I still think of and worked with some great people across the country.  He never was too busy to explain to me the workings of a case or the law behind it.  He was patient with my questions and my mistakes.  He understood my desire to grow and do more than I was doing.  He also made sure that when we worked late and I was on a late train home, I had a "roadie" for the train ride (usually a can of Old Style in each coat pocket.)  Working for Older was a challenge at times, for many reasons, but working for Younger was a sheer delight.

I stayed at the firm about 5 years if I remember correctly.  The administrator was more than I cared to deal with and she was prone to ugly comments when no one could hear or note them and I was tired of being her "bitch" so I left and went looking for the next leg in the path.  I did miss Older and Younger a lot the first year away, but was also at a point in grad school where the path was changing and law was not in the future.

We really didn't stay in touch over a period of years.  I think that life got busy, I moved and got married and days turned into years.  I remember thinking of him every year on his birthday and one year not too long ago I sent him an email and then we met for a long breakfast about a year and a half ago when I was home, and a few more emails since.  I so enjoy our notes!

So today, when I was feeling like it would be either a homicide or a suicide by the end of the day (relax, I don't look good in blaze orange or stripes...) I opened email to a note from my dear friend.  There were updates that were fun and I love hearing of recent family updates, and some that were sad...they lost a fur baby recently and know how it breaks our hearts.  He mentioned that Older who is 95 now lost a son earlier this month and it broke my heart to think of his sadness.  No one should have to go through that.

But he wrote me this amazing note in closing, words that coming from someone I respect to the highest degree, made me feel like I had just walked on the moon:

And Sally, I can’t tell you how much it pleases me to see how happily and successfully the years have passed for you. I know the time you spent at the firm was, shall we say, “transitional,” and it’s never easy to figure out where you’re meant to go and what you’re meant to do. I’m so glad you figured it out and that it has turned out so very, very well for you. I think it’s great that your career is about inspiring and motivating people, because your own story is so inspiring and motivating. 

How can you NOT feel like you are on top of the world with those words?  Feel accomplished, feel a bit of pride?  Coming from someone SO amazing?  He is still the same mentor and friend and now I believe life has drawn us a bit closer with just where we are.

Though he would have handled today much more diplomatically, I assure you.  I don't think that the people on the other end of the phone felt I was exactly "inspiring."

But he'd laugh at me I think...and probably roll his eyes a bit.  But he'd still think I was pretty OK all in all!

Here's to an amazing man I will always treasure as my friend and mentor.  Thank you for all you have done for me along the path and such kind words that filled my heart today, it all means the world to me!  You are a special blessing in my life and I am who I am in part thanks to time working for you.

Grateful for connectivity...random thoughts

People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible... unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes... they just don't have all the facts.

Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks…  It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though - the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you... mold you and shape you into something you're not. The only upside to anger, then... is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid to take the journey…

That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm.

Lines from a movie that I happened upon years ago and the title put me off...The Upside of Anger.  It frankly is kind of a sad and dark movie in places but has so many stories within the title and lines that gave a sense of connectivity.  Not in any particular situation or story relative to me or anyone I knew.  But just words that resonate.

That speak to you and quietly touch a place that ... somehow says something important if you are willing to pay attention.

Funny lines that you know you've wanted to say at times...

I am so sick of being your bitch.  I put up with your shit because I know how much pain you're in!  But it's enough!  It's a tall order for a patient M*****F*****, and I am the furthest thing from that you're ever going to lay eyes on.

Yep.  We've all felt like saying it.  But we've all been in that pain too.  The question is, do we get that the other person is in pain and it's maybe not intentional.  That they have their own anger and they have to find their own upside to it?  They have to hear the words speak to them and find their own pathway?

Most times not. Sadly.

What do we choose?

Sometimes I am grateful that I choose laughter, it makes the anger so much less important.

Sometimes I choose empathy and/or sympathy.  It helps understand what is going on and if there truly is intention behind the anger and ugliness.

Sometimes, I choose to have the connectivity of the words, the meaning, the timing, the serendipity of the situation and people involved.  

Sometimes I choose the solace of amazing people I have in my circle and spend time with them.

More connectivity...

My writers' group at the Women's Club. SUCH AMAZING WOMEN!  As the hubs would say about all of the women there, a high caliber of ladies.  I am in awe of so many of them.  I adore them.  I learn constantly from them.  And I bathe in their company because it is the most positive energy I have found in years.

They are just so freakin' cool.

The connectivity of people who exude class.  Emanate beauty that is soul-deep.  And can teach you the things that you least expect.

Yesterday's take away from writers' group?  From one of the women that is so much fun and so cool and if I asked her/their meaning of the Upside of Anger, they would have sonnets to recite on the subject.  The woman/women who are published and intellectual and insightful and my colleagues and compatriots.  Many soul sisters.

BITCH really stands for Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Yep, got it :)  

Here endeth the lesson.

Connectivity can be wonky but it's there.  Just like an Upside to Anger, you decide your own interpretation and ownership.

I think I'll read this blog at the next Writers' Group meeting!  They will giggle.  Over a mimosa maybe.

Happy New Year 2015, I am giddy with expectations because it is going to be A-MAZING!