chance meetings, kind words

We attended the wedding this past weekend of a beloved family member.  Like many weddings, there were many people we knew, many we did not.  We loved meeting those new friends and laughed and took in the joy of having them come into our lives.

Chance meetings bring such great people into your life :)

At the reception, a woman approached me from behind as I watched some of the younger guests dance. She asked if she could tell me something and bestowed upon me a great compliment I quickly tucked into my heart and let its warmth fill my soul.  I had never met her but knew just from her energy I liked her.

Chance meeting, new friend, WAY cool lady.  I love when the universe does this!

We stood and talked about a number of things but commented to each other in the conversation that people just do not share these things with each other...the kind of sweet words that her compliment had been.  The random kindnesses that let people know that they are wonderful despite their foibles and warts.  The loving words that let people know that they are valued and loved and special on any given day.  And it doesn't matter if you know them or not.  We just don't do it...why?

The lady that stepped up behind me at this wedding was courageous in her outreach and love.  What if I had been drunk and rude?  (Been there, done that at times...)  What if I had given her a cold shoulder and walked away?  She and her loving heart took a chance and walked up to a total stranger to offer up kind words that I will treasure the rest of my days.  And I hope that we will remain in touch to share kind and fun words with each other.

Our conversation brought to mind a quote that sits here on my desk:

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
                                     --Mother Teresa

Why is it that we do not do this more often?  Is it the pace of which life passes these days?  Is it the stress we experience from many sources?  Have we lost the concept of reaching out with love and compassion to people to let them know, even a stranger, that they are valued and loved and wonderful?  Do we truly understand the concept of how incredibly large it could be to someone to have that tiny "reach out" from someone.  Anyone.  A stranger.  Family.

At the wedding I also had the chance to reconnect with a beautiful young woman who was/is a sorority daughter from years ago.  I ran into her a month ago at the bridal brunch and she shared that she was going through an event that is a life change and not much fun for most people (out of respect, I won't divulge details.)  My heart ached knowing this gorgeous, talented young women might be having rough days, but I hesitated not wanting to overstep my bounds.  I simply offered up that if she needed anything I was there.

At the wedding events and weekend, I was blessed enough to have more time with her and enjoy her laughter and love in the glow of celebration.  We laughed, danced, drank a bit :)  And hugged a lot.  One of the things that I was in such admiration of was that she was courageous in her affection.

You see, there were a group of the former sorority girls there that were still I feel, in the mindset of a 20-something pissed off that I was that person that was the "enforcer" of things they did not like or that I was the one that told them all of the things they could not do instead of what they could get away with.  Of that group, only one spoke, put her arm around me and said "it's so good to see you!" However, I am if nothing else, as fair to all as I can be and I was not as close with them as the bride or others there.  But it would have been nice to have the same kind of time with them...maybe not.  Maybe we are just too different in the view of outreach and expressions of kindness.  Maybe I am just the eternal hopeful.

But when we left brunch yesterday morning, my lovely gal with whom I had shared the weekend said "I love you, let's find time soon."  Such simple words.  Such enormous echoes to the heart.  Endless in the ripples created for a soul.

Where and when do we finally stop and know to take time with people.  To tell them that they have a great smile, to thank them for a small gesture, to tell them they look wonderful today?  It takes less than 15 seconds if you really, really think about it.  Even to thank someone for helping you and tell them that you appreciate their effort.  Small and kind words, endless echoes.  Genuine and sincere in their delivery.  Something from the heart to lift someone up.

Don Miguel Ruiz who authored The Four Agreements said that words have energy.  How true.  Think of the "energy" that the word love carries versus the feeling you get when you read or hear the word hate.  The first Agreement is "Be Impeccable With Your Word."  He goes on to say *Speak only with integrity, *Say only what you mean, *Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others, and *Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Imagine the "energy" if we followed all of this.  I have thought of it so much since I met my new gal pal who paid me such a lovely compliment and took the chance to approach a total stranger to do so.  And since I reconnected with my lovely sorority daughter.

What simple movement toward someone's heart does it take?  Almost nothing.  What small comment of great love and magnitude can you put forth each day?  You may never know how much it impacts a person.

I have been beyond crabby this winter, just don't know why.  Maybe the grey days with no sun and WAY below zero temps.  But this last several days were a great reminder to not saddle up my broom but instead look for ways to hand loving and kind words to people I encounter and lift them up as they all should be.  One other daughter recently told me I was good for the soul.

I will take that to heart sweet gal.  And I will make it my mission to be good for all of those I have in my path.

And thank you Micki, you made me feel like a million and started me on a mission now to pass it along with love.  And if you're one of the others reading this, I'm challenging you to make it a mission to at least once a day say or do something wonderful to lift up another soul like my new friend Micki did for me.  Imagine if everyone in the world who is reading this did it once a day for another person...the echoes would be endless and a lot of people would feel like she made me feel.

So..

the little things that make your day

In my last post I wrote about making someone's day.  The little things you can do.  The smiles, the comments, the littlest action.  Those small things that can fill a person's soul and make them feel like a million.  Things that cost nothing but a bit of time and effort.

Then there are those things in my life that make my day.  Make me laugh, fill my heart with love.  Make me feel like a million.  Not everyone would take those things and baptize them as YAY!!! moments, but I choose to often and I just today got one of those that could be a thumbs up or a thumbs down to some women.

I'm on a website that is supposed to be strictly for professional networking.  Not really for social networking, it is meant for job postings, professional connections, networking with those that you can assist or that could possibly assist you in some way in your career or profession.  Millions of people on this site.  And they pretty much let you know it is to be used in a professional way, that unspoken rule.

I'm pretty open to connecting with people that, though I don't personally know them, are connections of people I do know.  Or maybe in the same profession that are looking for networking opportunities to find candidates or send out information about open positions.  We all need that kind of help at some time in our lives.  I am cautious about accepting connections and don't connect with those I have absolutely no connection with to weed out creepy.

A few weeks ago I accepted a connection from someone in my field, he also had a few other people that were shared connections that I trusted.  Thought nothing of it.  I might be able to help him sometime down the line.

I don't think we were necessarily thinking of the same type of "connection."

I received this morning a lovely note thanking me for connecting, complimenting me on my well-organized profile and work history.  And asking if I was, by chance, single.  Dude, this is not the Love Connection.

This is the third such note I have gotten from a man on this site.  (Hubs, I know you read my blog...take a deep breath here, I deleted them.)  Each time I have had that initial moment where it really pissed me off.  THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL SITE!

Then I remember the days when I trained Fish Philosophy around the country.  CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE.  One of the 4 tenants of the program.

So I choose to be quite honored at the compliment.  (but I still deleted him...)

I'm closer to 60 than I am 30.  I am grey under the strawberry blonde, and have lines now that were not there even a year ago.  I can't remember what I walked into a room for.  I can forget in mid-sentence what I was talking about (menopausal moments) and things have moved south that were once north.  It gives the strongest of women days when we look in the mirror and say to ourselves, "GAH, what happened to that 30 year old?"  Humbling at times.  This aging thing is not for wimps.  But I am healthy and have a great life.

And because women are judged so frequently and openly in our society on their appearance, things like that have an impact on us.  Even women who profess to never care, will at some time feel that ping of age showing up when we least expected it and wonder who in the hell that person is looking at them in the mirror.

So these moments can be conflicting for us...do we appreciate them or revile them?  Long ago I felt that had to make that decision.  And moments like my "connection" had me look hard at what I was choosing to make of those situations that challenged my feeling of embracing age or hating it.

Years ago I taught at a college and had two instances take place similar to today's "connection" and I was right there in the moment...be pissed or be honored.

I had gone to a manufacturing site to do some training.  As with all sessions, participants filled out evaluations of the trainer and session at the end.  This session was all male.  They filled out their forms, bid me farewell, and I went back to school and handed over the forms to our assistant to process.

My assistant came into my office furious and demanded that I contact the HR person at the site and file a complaint.  When I asked what for and why she was so upset, she handed me a form.  The entire form was blank in response areas with the exception of the last question:

Is there anything else you'd like your instructor to know about this session?  His response...

YOU HAVE A NICE ASS.

Well, alrighty then!

Choose your attitude...  and I told my assistant that we would not turn that one in, I would keep it.  When she asked what for, I told her that I was going to put it in my desk drawer at home and every birthday I would take it out, cheer loudly and do a happy dance.  I may laminate it.  Make a poster of it...

Thanks dude, you made my day :)

I was able to recognize the handwriting based on their registration sheets and it was a comment from the only guy in class that never uttered a word and appeared to be painfully shy. :)  guess not so much after all!

A week later, after I had taught a marketing class, a student came into my office asking about next semester's schedule.  He commented he wanted to take my class next semester in a similar subject and thought it would be good because he had checked me out on Ratemyprofessors.com.

UMMMM, what?  Rate my what???  You do what on there???

I invited this young man to have a seat and find the site on my computer so we could take a look.  This was clearly all new to me.  I thought he was going to throw up on my desk.  He certainly did not anticipate this when he wanted scheduling help.

I was humbled.  Such lovely things said about my teaching and commitment to my students, my dedication to helping them, and wait... what is that thing there?  What does that little red thing mean?

Again, the poor guy looked like he would hurl.  But then a bit of a smile came about and he said "The person that wrote that thinks you're hot, it's a chili pepper.  Seriously, you didn't get that?  What did you think it was?"

Well.  Damn.  Chili peppers...

Choose your attitude girl...  Thank you, I'm shocked that 20-somethings think that.  But, yeah, I'll take it :)  WOW.  Holy crap...

The point is this.  When we get those moments that are probably awkwardly meant as compliments, what do we do with them?  Do we attack the messenger?  Do we make the choice to interpret it as a slight or something less than a message of a positive nature?

People are less than perfect, they are awkward, they are flawed.  Yes, some are creepy and those we obviously need to be attentive not to encourage.  But a good deal of the time, they are trying to give us words with good intent.

This is the 25th anniversary of the movie Pretty Woman.  I recall (not entirely accurate in the dialogue) a scene where Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts that he thinks she is a very special woman with many gifts.  She responds that the bad stuff is always easier to believe, why is that?  Yes, why is that?

So the next time someone says something that you have the choice of taking in a negative way or in a way that makes you feel valued and positive, what attitude will you choose?  Will you take into account the intent?  Will you take into account that they are human and flawed like we all are and that the delivery is not the best but the intent is a compliment to you?

Yes the bad stuff is easier to believe.

But I am going to work hard to choose the positive.  Because we all need those chili peppers at times, right?

Make Their Day :)

Last night I was reading something that someone had commented on about having to stand in line listening to the clerk talk about their grandkids and it was frustrating because their own kids were fidgeting and needed attention and they just wanted to be done and get home.  Though I don't have kids of my own I can relate because there have been those times that I have been hurried, late for a meeting, just tired, whatever.  And the person who is helping you in any capacity wants to tell you about their kids, grandkids, puppy, kitty, drive to work, etc.  And at that moment you realize, it's a good thing you don't look good in blaze orange or stripes because you'd strangle them if you could.

But I recall my parents and my Aunt Dot and other people I have encountered, and many times reconsider my internal dialogue now.

My Aunt Dot never married.  She was my mom's older sister by about 15 years.  She lived in the house she was born in and moved out of there shortly before she died at 85 to stay in a nursing home.  My grandmother died when Aunt Dot was 53 and she suddenly found herself, for the first time, living alone.  She worked until she was nearly 80.  On my desk right now sits her clock recognizing 55 years of service in the same company.  She had nieces and nephews and they came and went but my brother and I lived around the corner (literally) and she spent most of her time with our family.

I often wondered who she talked to and connected with because she was often home alone crocheting blankets for the nursing homes evenings and weekends.  She and my mom talked every evening.  I called when I made time, which was not as often as I should have in retrospect.  She did have some single pals she traveled with and went on some pretty cool trips.  She was the cool aunt that bought me pretty, girly things that my mother would not.  My one cousin commented that it was too bad that being a lesbian was not acceptable in her time...I about wet myself laughing.  What was not acceptable was that she was in love with a married man and had been with him for decades.  I knew, my mom knew, her BFF in St. Louis knew.  But it made me sad that she had no one to talk to about things of the heart or things that were important to her, like I do with my BFFs and my husband and brother.  We were kind of her grandkids so who did she talk to about us when we did something she was excited about?  Who did she talk to about the hundreds of blankets she made for people to feel comforted?  Who did she talk to about her beautiful garden?  Who did she talk to when she felt down or lonely?

My Daddy was a quiet man and there were things he was pained about and talked little or not at all about.  His parents died about 9 weeks apart and they were 57 and 54 when they died.  He was an only child.  While he was grieving, an aunt let herself in with a sister-in-law (neither blood relatives) to my grandparents house and helped themselves to my grandmother's things.  He was devastated.  There were times when little comments would slip out and he would let it show that the pain was still hiding deep.  But he talked to no one.  There was so much behind those kind eyes and easy smile and he talked to no one.  Alzheimer's took him and there were things he talked about as the disease took over...now those were some things to make you think.  The old stories you never heard.  But the easy talk that makes a connection with people who have kind faces...  he needed that in later years.  Sadly my mother did not have that ability and it was hard on him.

My Mom died 6 months after he did and rarely left the house in the time between his death and hers.  She talked to my brother who came a good deal to check on her.  A cousin came often as well.  What she needed truly was someone to talk to that would give that verbal hug, that positive that gets you on a positive path.  Someone who would engage and talk about her irises and tulips in easy fashion.   Frankly, someone who would kick her in the ass and get her out and thinking in a more positive way.

I think we forget sometimes that people, particularly the elderly, need connection and we can be that to them, even if for a moment.  They are so very often hungry for someone to just listen, even for a moment.  Someone to talk to that lets them know that they still matter...to someone.  Even for a moment.  That they are valued and loved.  Even for that moment.

People need that connection in sometimes the smallest form.  How to you connect?  Do you make their day for that tiny moment?  It does not take much.  A positive, uplifting, small, GOOD connection for anyone.  Someone.  Making them feel valued and important and cared for.

Last month I had been at a client meeting in another part of the cities, a part I am not familiar with.  I needed to grab a few things to prepare for vacation and I had time to do it after the meeting and before I met the hubs for dinner and a Valentine's concert.

And GAWD knows there is a Walmart on every corner...

I wandered through WM and got all I needed and checked out.  As I made for the door I noticed that, like when you depart Sam's Club or Costco, you needed to present your receipt to a person at the exit.  There were four in line ahead of me to leave.  The lady checking receipts appeared to be disabled as she sat in a chair with a cane by her side.  She appeared to be older but, I'm not a great judge of age...I still think I'm 27.

As I watched people departing, every single person gave her crap about showing the piece of paper they had just been handed 3 minutes ago.   Every. Single. Person.  There was the eye roller and the one who asked why she had to be singled out and the one who huffed and puffed as loud as she could digging in coat pockets.  Really people???

I had the receipt in my hand and presented it to her with a smile.  I told her I hoped she got off work before the sun went down so she could grab some of it on this winter day (we've had a really crappy winter with the grey days.)  This beautiful lady bent her head for a split second, raised it back up with teary eyes and took my hand.  "You have the most beautiful smile and seeing that smile made my day completely.  Thank you and you have a beautiful evening."  Well, damn.  I didn't do anything, really.  But sweet lady, you made my day!

But that was everything to that incredibly sweet lady.  Minimal effort for me, HUGE benefit to her.  And truly in the end, it made me feel wonderful too.  Knowing that even if for a split second, all of the crap she'd been given all day just doing her job, was wiped out and she felt like the amazing and beautiful woman she is.

Last weekend I was talking about this same kind of thing to one of my sorority daughters.  She mentioned helping a lady in a wheelchair brush her hair and get to an event at her graduate school.  She had just run into the lady in the restroom as they both were on the way to see the same speaker.  We talked about how little effort it takes us and how much it means to that other person.

Years ago when I was doing some corporate training at an airline, they would say to each other "remember, if your approach sucks, your landing crashes."  It was related to how they would talk to one another and a gentle reminder to make the "approach" a good one so when you "land" on the person it is a soft one.

How is our approach?  How is our landing?

We all struggle with it day to day, I know I do.  Especially with the petty stuff that people do.  But remind yourself that everyone needs a gentle approach so that the landing is a soft one.  It will more times than not, make someone's day.   Sometimes in a huge way when they need it the most.  Remember to let them know that they are valued, loved and matter.

Even if for a moment.  Make their day.

Grateful for those who care for our babies

Those who know the hubs and I know we do not have birth children but we have human children in the form of many loving sorority daughters from my days as an advisor, and many of my former students (from days as a professor) but our own "babies" are our fur kids.  If you have started from the beginning of my blog you'll know we lost our beloved blind boy, Chico on August 17th, 2014.  We have two in spirit, Tessa and Max.  And by our sides are Maya and Marty, our Cozumeleno perros that we love so much.

Through the last 20 years we've had many take care of the health of our fur kids and it seems that God always places the right people in our path just as He has placed the right pups in our path.

We were just about to get married when Tim found Tessa.  Tiny, black and white ball of fluff that stole our hearts, she was our first baby.  Lab and Springer mix.  We took her to the vet closest to the house, Dr. Bob.  We didn't know anyone else. (I will resist the desire to give them all a shameless plug and be respectful in not using last names.)  He was along the whole ride with us in loving Tessa.   From the time she swallowed a rock as a puppy and he operated to remove it AND saved it ("here's your $365 paperweight Sally") to the day that she became ill so very suddenly and he left his home at lunch to rush back to the office where I pulled up with her in the car.  Tessa left us at his office a few hours later and it still lingers hard in my heart that I was at home in a chair paralyzed in grief and did not sit with her there when she moved to Heaven.  The hubs jumped on a plane from Dallas to come home.  After she was gone and as I sat on the floor stroking that beautiful black and white muzzle, Dr. Bob took my hands in his and said "Sally, if I do an autopsy it has to be right NOW.  But I don't want Tim to come home and say goodbye to her and see her that way.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"  No.  I didn't.  In the previous 6 months I had lost both parents and our other pup, I was not thinking clearly.  "Nothing I do will bring her back and change this.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW?"  Yes, thank you Bob.  And when the hubs got home, we called his house and he met us at the clinic to say one last good bye to our first fur baby.

Dr. Bob also took care of our 2d baby, Maxwell.  Tim found Max, a handsome English Springer, when he was surrendered with his litter mate Molly at 4.5 years old.  The lady who took them wanted Molly but not Max.  Well WE did and he and Tessa were perfect from the first day.  Max was the dog everyone wants.  Took pills like it was a treat, loved the vet visits, smiled all the time.  Dr. Bob clearly loved Max too.  When Max became ill suddenly one Easter Sunday, we had to make the decision the next day as we saw how sick he was with cancer to let him go if he did not pass during the night.  Dr. Bob prepped to let him go that Tuesday and let us be by his side as he closed his eyes.  When Max had left us and we were ready to go home, Bob had tears in his eyes too.  Through many surgeries Max had for ear problems and fatty tumors, he always smiled at Bob.  And Bob was there when Max moved quietly to Heaven and ran to the two Grandpas waiting for him.

Chico was a rescue we did not plan on (none of them have been!) but Dr. Bob took one look at him and immediately started making plans with Dr. O for an eye exam for Chico's blindness.

Dr. O is a veterinary ophthalmologist and amazing man.  The love and care he took in the exams we had with Chico every few months was something of a miracle.  An abused, blind dog letting someone place instruments on his eyes to measure pressure just told you that this man was a "whisperer" of sorts with these loving animals.  One appointment Dr. O asked how Chico had been doing.  I mentioned that he was grieving the loss of his two pack mates in the last 3 months and having a bit of trouble adjusting.  Dr. O sat for what seemed forever and stroked that regal head and talked so very softly into his ear.  He fed Chico treat after treat and hugged him as we left.  As he opened the exam room door, he told Chico that he needed something to help with his hard days and handed me a full box of treats...the good ones.

When Dr. Bob retired, we got Dr. Eric, and what a BLESSING.  To say this man is like family now is an understatement.  And his staff is the most AMAZING group of gals...like family as well.  He now cares for Maya and Marty, the two fur kids sleeping at my feet as my furry co-workers.  And he took care of Chico in a way that I have never seen a vet care for a dog.  Eric is more than special...  in so many ways.

One night I trimmed Chico's nail too close and it looked like a serial murder had taken place in the snow in the back yard and in the kitchen.  It simply would not stop bleeding.  Flour, baking soda, cornstarch, powder, nothing worked to stop it.  You would have thought I amputated a toe.  The hubs called Eric and got voicemail.  As hubs was pulling out to go buy a styptic pencil, Eric called back.  "Stay there, I'll be right over."  Sunday night dude, really??  He arrived in his sweats and slippers with the caveat that he had a date with the wife for a movie in an hour.  But he had stopped at the clinic and gotten some concoction that stopped the bleeding on the first application.  Enough time for a quick beer with the hubs and it was back home to the movie.  He came one other time on the way home from his daughter's dance recital to examine a bite on an ear.  Yep, more than special.

Dr. Eric diagnosed Chico with Cushing's disease and at one point in the game there was Dr. Fred doing an ultrasound on my boy's belly to look for adrenal tumors that typically go along with that disease.  One of the many things that I love about Eric is that is he such a research geek and so dedicated that he will get online, make calls, read anything he can to help his patients.  So here he and Fred were discussing how to dose and titrate the compounded medicine for Chico.  It was like watching a fine waltz.

Eric still feels the pull of Chico being gone and lets us know that he misses him too.  Eric is such an amazing vet that he would get on the floor with Chico knowing that putting him up on an exam table would be hard for a blind pup.  Eric and Chico had a special bond, that was another fine waltz that filled my heart.

Dr. Eric also diagnosed my little Marty with oral melanoma 3 years ago.  The little guy had a tumor on the ligament where your tongue is joined to your jaw.  Yeah, I know...WTF???  But Eric removed it, and immediately set us up at the University of MN vet clinic (the school) for an appointment.  He consulted with them regarding his findings and we knew we were in good hands.

Marty has been through hell.  Three surgeries over the last 3 years in the area under his tongue and one surgery also removed saliva glands in his neck.  He looked like Frankenpuppy.  It was awful.  He could only eat tiny meatballs of soft food for a couple of weeks.  But the docs at the U were also AMAZING.  Dr. Haynes did surgery and while Marty rested there overnight, we got emails with updates.  Dr. Fritz still checks in via email to see how he is and when we are there for check ups and lab work, she makes a point to come see us.  He is still a spunky little guy who is doing great and loves going to the U because of the welcome he gets from all of the Docs and students there.  The love they have there and the care they give our beloved fur kids is treasured.

When Chico became suddenly ill last summer and we knew it was bad, the hubs had the foresight to go to the U when we rushed him out of the house to the emergency vet.  We had a resident named Dr. Berg.  Her kindness, patience and love in helping us and Chico with what we were going through, and making our last moments with him peaceful was what everyone wishes they had.  I cannot say enough about this teaching institution in veterinary medicine and what they have done for our family in caring for our pups.  I cannot say enough about Dr. Berg.

We also have a vet that does chiropractic and acupuncture treatments.  Dr. Heather is the most amazing woman and watching her treat our pups is more like a cha cha than a waltz but the love and care she takes in digging deep to help them is well worth the time and the trip.  What she does for them beyond traditional medicine has helped them live pain free and without medication in their lives.  I marvel at her depth of knowledge and expertise and love being there to watch their bond with  her.  When we turn the corner to get to our appointments with her, Maya starts to shake and whine and bark ... she knows where she is!  We love Heather like she is family too and cannot imagine a time when she was not a part of our lives.

Dr. Fred is a vet who works with holistic remedies and has done so much work with our kids to rid them of parasites, delve into whether Max had cancer or not, and educate owners on better care as well.  Though we don't see him often, knowing his expertise and knowledge is there is a huge benefit.  What he does on a non-traditional level is simply astounding in helping his furry patients.

They are our children and we treasure the people who value and care for and love them and understand our love for them.  We are beyond blessed that we have these people in our lives and on our short journeys with our fur babies.  Though it may seem like 10-15 years is a long time, when you love a pup as much as we love ours, it is so very short and we want to have those caring for them know how special they are.  God has blessed us with those people and we are so very grateful for them.

Here's to you Bob and Eric (and gals!!!) and Dr. Fred, Dr. O, Dr. Fritz, Dr. Berg, Dr. Haynes and all of the docs at the U of MN Vet School, Dr. Heather <3 and Dr. Fred.  Thank you could never be enough for all you do for us.