the little things that make your day

In my last post I wrote about making someone's day.  The little things you can do.  The smiles, the comments, the littlest action.  Those small things that can fill a person's soul and make them feel like a million.  Things that cost nothing but a bit of time and effort.

Then there are those things in my life that make my day.  Make me laugh, fill my heart with love.  Make me feel like a million.  Not everyone would take those things and baptize them as YAY!!! moments, but I choose to often and I just today got one of those that could be a thumbs up or a thumbs down to some women.

I'm on a website that is supposed to be strictly for professional networking.  Not really for social networking, it is meant for job postings, professional connections, networking with those that you can assist or that could possibly assist you in some way in your career or profession.  Millions of people on this site.  And they pretty much let you know it is to be used in a professional way, that unspoken rule.

I'm pretty open to connecting with people that, though I don't personally know them, are connections of people I do know.  Or maybe in the same profession that are looking for networking opportunities to find candidates or send out information about open positions.  We all need that kind of help at some time in our lives.  I am cautious about accepting connections and don't connect with those I have absolutely no connection with to weed out creepy.

A few weeks ago I accepted a connection from someone in my field, he also had a few other people that were shared connections that I trusted.  Thought nothing of it.  I might be able to help him sometime down the line.

I don't think we were necessarily thinking of the same type of "connection."

I received this morning a lovely note thanking me for connecting, complimenting me on my well-organized profile and work history.  And asking if I was, by chance, single.  Dude, this is not the Love Connection.

This is the third such note I have gotten from a man on this site.  (Hubs, I know you read my blog...take a deep breath here, I deleted them.)  Each time I have had that initial moment where it really pissed me off.  THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL SITE!

Then I remember the days when I trained Fish Philosophy around the country.  CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE.  One of the 4 tenants of the program.

So I choose to be quite honored at the compliment.  (but I still deleted him...)

I'm closer to 60 than I am 30.  I am grey under the strawberry blonde, and have lines now that were not there even a year ago.  I can't remember what I walked into a room for.  I can forget in mid-sentence what I was talking about (menopausal moments) and things have moved south that were once north.  It gives the strongest of women days when we look in the mirror and say to ourselves, "GAH, what happened to that 30 year old?"  Humbling at times.  This aging thing is not for wimps.  But I am healthy and have a great life.

And because women are judged so frequently and openly in our society on their appearance, things like that have an impact on us.  Even women who profess to never care, will at some time feel that ping of age showing up when we least expected it and wonder who in the hell that person is looking at them in the mirror.

So these moments can be conflicting for us...do we appreciate them or revile them?  Long ago I felt that had to make that decision.  And moments like my "connection" had me look hard at what I was choosing to make of those situations that challenged my feeling of embracing age or hating it.

Years ago I taught at a college and had two instances take place similar to today's "connection" and I was right there in the moment...be pissed or be honored.

I had gone to a manufacturing site to do some training.  As with all sessions, participants filled out evaluations of the trainer and session at the end.  This session was all male.  They filled out their forms, bid me farewell, and I went back to school and handed over the forms to our assistant to process.

My assistant came into my office furious and demanded that I contact the HR person at the site and file a complaint.  When I asked what for and why she was so upset, she handed me a form.  The entire form was blank in response areas with the exception of the last question:

Is there anything else you'd like your instructor to know about this session?  His response...

YOU HAVE A NICE ASS.

Well, alrighty then!

Choose your attitude...  and I told my assistant that we would not turn that one in, I would keep it.  When she asked what for, I told her that I was going to put it in my desk drawer at home and every birthday I would take it out, cheer loudly and do a happy dance.  I may laminate it.  Make a poster of it...

Thanks dude, you made my day :)

I was able to recognize the handwriting based on their registration sheets and it was a comment from the only guy in class that never uttered a word and appeared to be painfully shy. :)  guess not so much after all!

A week later, after I had taught a marketing class, a student came into my office asking about next semester's schedule.  He commented he wanted to take my class next semester in a similar subject and thought it would be good because he had checked me out on Ratemyprofessors.com.

UMMMM, what?  Rate my what???  You do what on there???

I invited this young man to have a seat and find the site on my computer so we could take a look.  This was clearly all new to me.  I thought he was going to throw up on my desk.  He certainly did not anticipate this when he wanted scheduling help.

I was humbled.  Such lovely things said about my teaching and commitment to my students, my dedication to helping them, and wait... what is that thing there?  What does that little red thing mean?

Again, the poor guy looked like he would hurl.  But then a bit of a smile came about and he said "The person that wrote that thinks you're hot, it's a chili pepper.  Seriously, you didn't get that?  What did you think it was?"

Well.  Damn.  Chili peppers...

Choose your attitude girl...  Thank you, I'm shocked that 20-somethings think that.  But, yeah, I'll take it :)  WOW.  Holy crap...

The point is this.  When we get those moments that are probably awkwardly meant as compliments, what do we do with them?  Do we attack the messenger?  Do we make the choice to interpret it as a slight or something less than a message of a positive nature?

People are less than perfect, they are awkward, they are flawed.  Yes, some are creepy and those we obviously need to be attentive not to encourage.  But a good deal of the time, they are trying to give us words with good intent.

This is the 25th anniversary of the movie Pretty Woman.  I recall (not entirely accurate in the dialogue) a scene where Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts that he thinks she is a very special woman with many gifts.  She responds that the bad stuff is always easier to believe, why is that?  Yes, why is that?

So the next time someone says something that you have the choice of taking in a negative way or in a way that makes you feel valued and positive, what attitude will you choose?  Will you take into account the intent?  Will you take into account that they are human and flawed like we all are and that the delivery is not the best but the intent is a compliment to you?

Yes the bad stuff is easier to believe.

But I am going to work hard to choose the positive.  Because we all need those chili peppers at times, right?