Make Their Day :)

Last night I was reading something that someone had commented on about having to stand in line listening to the clerk talk about their grandkids and it was frustrating because their own kids were fidgeting and needed attention and they just wanted to be done and get home.  Though I don't have kids of my own I can relate because there have been those times that I have been hurried, late for a meeting, just tired, whatever.  And the person who is helping you in any capacity wants to tell you about their kids, grandkids, puppy, kitty, drive to work, etc.  And at that moment you realize, it's a good thing you don't look good in blaze orange or stripes because you'd strangle them if you could.

But I recall my parents and my Aunt Dot and other people I have encountered, and many times reconsider my internal dialogue now.

My Aunt Dot never married.  She was my mom's older sister by about 15 years.  She lived in the house she was born in and moved out of there shortly before she died at 85 to stay in a nursing home.  My grandmother died when Aunt Dot was 53 and she suddenly found herself, for the first time, living alone.  She worked until she was nearly 80.  On my desk right now sits her clock recognizing 55 years of service in the same company.  She had nieces and nephews and they came and went but my brother and I lived around the corner (literally) and she spent most of her time with our family.

I often wondered who she talked to and connected with because she was often home alone crocheting blankets for the nursing homes evenings and weekends.  She and my mom talked every evening.  I called when I made time, which was not as often as I should have in retrospect.  She did have some single pals she traveled with and went on some pretty cool trips.  She was the cool aunt that bought me pretty, girly things that my mother would not.  My one cousin commented that it was too bad that being a lesbian was not acceptable in her time...I about wet myself laughing.  What was not acceptable was that she was in love with a married man and had been with him for decades.  I knew, my mom knew, her BFF in St. Louis knew.  But it made me sad that she had no one to talk to about things of the heart or things that were important to her, like I do with my BFFs and my husband and brother.  We were kind of her grandkids so who did she talk to about us when we did something she was excited about?  Who did she talk to about the hundreds of blankets she made for people to feel comforted?  Who did she talk to about her beautiful garden?  Who did she talk to when she felt down or lonely?

My Daddy was a quiet man and there were things he was pained about and talked little or not at all about.  His parents died about 9 weeks apart and they were 57 and 54 when they died.  He was an only child.  While he was grieving, an aunt let herself in with a sister-in-law (neither blood relatives) to my grandparents house and helped themselves to my grandmother's things.  He was devastated.  There were times when little comments would slip out and he would let it show that the pain was still hiding deep.  But he talked to no one.  There was so much behind those kind eyes and easy smile and he talked to no one.  Alzheimer's took him and there were things he talked about as the disease took over...now those were some things to make you think.  The old stories you never heard.  But the easy talk that makes a connection with people who have kind faces...  he needed that in later years.  Sadly my mother did not have that ability and it was hard on him.

My Mom died 6 months after he did and rarely left the house in the time between his death and hers.  She talked to my brother who came a good deal to check on her.  A cousin came often as well.  What she needed truly was someone to talk to that would give that verbal hug, that positive that gets you on a positive path.  Someone who would engage and talk about her irises and tulips in easy fashion.   Frankly, someone who would kick her in the ass and get her out and thinking in a more positive way.

I think we forget sometimes that people, particularly the elderly, need connection and we can be that to them, even if for a moment.  They are so very often hungry for someone to just listen, even for a moment.  Someone to talk to that lets them know that they still matter...to someone.  Even for a moment.  That they are valued and loved.  Even for that moment.

People need that connection in sometimes the smallest form.  How to you connect?  Do you make their day for that tiny moment?  It does not take much.  A positive, uplifting, small, GOOD connection for anyone.  Someone.  Making them feel valued and important and cared for.

Last month I had been at a client meeting in another part of the cities, a part I am not familiar with.  I needed to grab a few things to prepare for vacation and I had time to do it after the meeting and before I met the hubs for dinner and a Valentine's concert.

And GAWD knows there is a Walmart on every corner...

I wandered through WM and got all I needed and checked out.  As I made for the door I noticed that, like when you depart Sam's Club or Costco, you needed to present your receipt to a person at the exit.  There were four in line ahead of me to leave.  The lady checking receipts appeared to be disabled as she sat in a chair with a cane by her side.  She appeared to be older but, I'm not a great judge of age...I still think I'm 27.

As I watched people departing, every single person gave her crap about showing the piece of paper they had just been handed 3 minutes ago.   Every. Single. Person.  There was the eye roller and the one who asked why she had to be singled out and the one who huffed and puffed as loud as she could digging in coat pockets.  Really people???

I had the receipt in my hand and presented it to her with a smile.  I told her I hoped she got off work before the sun went down so she could grab some of it on this winter day (we've had a really crappy winter with the grey days.)  This beautiful lady bent her head for a split second, raised it back up with teary eyes and took my hand.  "You have the most beautiful smile and seeing that smile made my day completely.  Thank you and you have a beautiful evening."  Well, damn.  I didn't do anything, really.  But sweet lady, you made my day!

But that was everything to that incredibly sweet lady.  Minimal effort for me, HUGE benefit to her.  And truly in the end, it made me feel wonderful too.  Knowing that even if for a split second, all of the crap she'd been given all day just doing her job, was wiped out and she felt like the amazing and beautiful woman she is.

Last weekend I was talking about this same kind of thing to one of my sorority daughters.  She mentioned helping a lady in a wheelchair brush her hair and get to an event at her graduate school.  She had just run into the lady in the restroom as they both were on the way to see the same speaker.  We talked about how little effort it takes us and how much it means to that other person.

Years ago when I was doing some corporate training at an airline, they would say to each other "remember, if your approach sucks, your landing crashes."  It was related to how they would talk to one another and a gentle reminder to make the "approach" a good one so when you "land" on the person it is a soft one.

How is our approach?  How is our landing?

We all struggle with it day to day, I know I do.  Especially with the petty stuff that people do.  But remind yourself that everyone needs a gentle approach so that the landing is a soft one.  It will more times than not, make someone's day.   Sometimes in a huge way when they need it the most.  Remember to let them know that they are valued, loved and matter.

Even if for a moment.  Make their day.