Grateful for age and laughter...to handle it all

It has been said, posted, put on billboards and greeting cards...  "Aging is not for wimps."  It is so very true.  It can be easier if you have a sense of humor.

And can laugh often.

At yourself.

I am finding, along with other gal pals my age or older, that there are a number of things to laugh at, marvel at, or swear at.  So far I am choosing to laugh.

OK I have sworn a couple of times.

Ladies who are pre-menopausal, take heed.  This is one helluva ride.  There are the hot flashes, night sweats and mood swings that are the standard.  Everyone talks about them and compares them.  I personally didn't have enough hot flashes to care about.  The night sweats were not nearly as bad as the horrible insomnia.  Now the mood swings were global in proportion, just ask the hubs.  He would whisper to the pups "I'll grab the car keys, you run for the door and make for the vehicle closest to the door..."

But there are other things.  These were the things I did marvel at...

I suddenly had a set of whiskers better than my spouse who has sported a dashing full beard or goatee since I met him 23 years ago.  Wax, pluck, laser your heart out.  Those effing things come back and are rooted into your jawbone.  They can be barely visible and so tiny that getting them in tweezers is like an act of God.  When you pull them out, the root is 3 feet long.

Your nose hairs suddenly look like you are named MARK instead of Marcia.  WTF?  NO one told me in that pre-pubescent speech that one day my nose hairs would rival my husband's either!   I want hair on my HEAD not up my nose!

You lose hair in some places (think about that) and start growing it in others!!!

And then there are the moments you just have to laugh and say "WTF" I am here to laugh at myself ...

I started working out with a trainer 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in my hips and spine.  Increase bone density was the goal.  I was not going to be that 55+ woman with a broken hip.

I began working out with a wonderful young man in his early 30s named Matt.  Trainer-extraordinaire.  He has a degree in sports medicine/human performance (don't you love that second half...I could make a lot of jokes about that one...) and is phenomenally knowledgeable about exercise science, nutrition, and what to do for any age and body type to be more healthy.  I began the program and progressed nicely building muscle and bone, losing fat and weight desired.  Every 6 weeks a new program to increase along with my ability.  Along the line, I also built a nice friendship with a young man who is an incredibly professional, respectful guy.

Thank GAWD there is the respectful part...

One of my exercises consisted of "rotations" that involved planting my feet, grabbing an exercise band with both hands and rotating center to side.  One day as I began to set up and he was on the other end of the band tightening it to increase the workout, he said "OK now tighten that core!"

You know what happens when you tighten your gut sometimes?

Wait for it...

BACKFIRE!  Like a small shotgun blast.  In front of my trainer.

I was HORRIFIED.  HORR-I-FIED!!!!!!!

Bless his heart, in preserving my dignity, all he said was "hey, keep it moving, tighten that core!"

Really dude?  You really want me to do that again :)

Never acknowledged I had ripped one off in mid workout.

Then a few weeks later I go to the chiropractor who happens to be a friend and whose wife I adore and whose sister-in-law I used to work with.  If you've ever been to a chiropractor, you know they get  you into some pretty contorted positions to adjust you.

So here I was on my side with one leg straight, one bent, arms around myself.  Greg did the one, two, three-ADJUST.  And again...

BACKFIRE!  Smaller blast this time.

Again, a consummate professional who never even acknowledged it.  Again, I was HORR-I-FIED!

You can run but you cannot hide from that I swear.

No one tells you that your body will begin to do things on its own and thumb its nose at you and shriek with laughter.  In that speech my mother gave me about "the most wonderful part of being a woman" no where was the part about nose hairs, chin whiskers, farts, not sleeping, finding an evil twin, or sweating to the point of changing your jammies in the middle of the night.  You wonder what you were just saying...in mid-sentence!  You walk into a room and cannot figure out why you are there in the brain fog.  Or worry that when you laugh too hard or sneeze you'll pee just enough to make your eyes widen and wonder...  Thankfully, I can't add that to the list but I've laughed with other gal pals about it.

But you never have another period again :)  You never have to cruise the aisle for tampons and pads again.  You never have to "chart" your days again.  You never have clothes, chairs or other seats, vacations or events ruined again by having a period.  You never have those horrible cramps again.  Never have to think about birth control again (mostly...there are oops' that have been known to happen.)  I never understood those women who say they miss their period and mourn not having it.  Again, WTF?  Are they high?

You do however have to purchase a REALLY REALLY good mirror and set of tweezers.  Maybe some wrinkle cream and a probiotic.

And maintain a good sense of humor...

But you never have another period :)

I'll take it.