Honoring those we love

As those who have read here know, we very recently lost our handsome Husky boy, Chico who was blind and nearly 13 years old.  It has been hard on all of us but as we hold him close in our hearts and grieve the silence left behind without his constant conversation, I have watched Maya and Marty, his pack mates, demonstrate their own way of handling his absence.

Maya will lay in his spot in the living room and never, ever had she laid in that room.  Marty does the same in our bedroom and in the kitchen.  Chico's spots are now occupied by smaller fur kids who talk less.  Maya also lays at Chico's food bowl with her arms wrapped around it instead of sitting on the chair or couch with us.

But one thing that perplexed Tim and I both was that they will not drink out of the water bowls Chico drank from--at all.  In the 5 weeks without him, the two bowls he drained daily have remained full with only evaporation taking them down.  I've washed them and refilled them only to have them remain as I placed them, filled to the top with water.

They both now drink from the third bowl and only that one.

We have a dear friend that was over for dinner recently and she works with animals in behavior and communication and training.  We mentioned this to her and she had one simple word in observation.  HONOR.

I asked her what she meant.  She said that is their way of honoring Chico.  They leave his bowls full to honor him.

It filled and broke my heart all at the same time.  He is so deserving of it...our Big Man.

It also had me recall many other "honorings."

Each year on birthdays and anniversaries of deaths of our parents, Tim and I celebrate them.  We watch The Quiet Man and have a steak for my father.  We have my mother's pot roast for her.  We toast my father-in-law/Dad #2; I with a Black and Tan and Tim with Crown Royal which were Dad's favorite drinks.  It may vary year to year how we celebrate them via food, drink, movies, music...but we make sure we celebrate them.  I plant different plants for them all in my beautiful garden...heliotrope and moss rose for my Mom, Asters for our Springer Spaniel Max (and now Chico) and a Gerbera Daisy for Tessa, our other pup in spirit.

We HONOR them.

One year I shared this on Facebook...this honoring process of celebrating that we do.  I believe it happened to be the Quiet Man and steak night.  And I in turn was "honored" by a guy I knew in high school.

I  knew my pal in high school but we were not "friends" like you are in high school and we didn't hang together or talk or date or any of that other high school shit we all did.  But through Facebook we connected and I'm so proud that we are friends now and I am hoping that some day my journey's take me south to where he his living to have an adult beverage with him...to HONOR this connection.

Because, it is through this celebrating of our loved ones, HONORING them, that he chose to honor me and it remains a huge, full spot in my heart to this day...

One year he sent me a private message on FB and wrote the most wonderful note and told me that my celebrations, my HONORING my loved ones turned his life and perspective around in his own loss.  He found himself no longer mourning his Dad and the void but making his Dad's favorite meal and remembering all of the great times they had together.  And each year as he posts pictures of his cooking his Dad's fave, he takes the time to honor me in setting this tradition in place in his own heart.

Keith, the honor is all MINE, my friend.

And the comments in his thread set others in motion to HONOR those they love in a new tradition.


I will continue to fill Chico's water bowls, celebrate Mom, Dad, and Dad #2 in those special ways and plant flowers for them all.  I will forever HONOR them in the ways that fill my heart.  I will watch Maya and Marty honor their pack mate they love and miss and I know they see in spirit but still feel the void of his move to Heaven.

But it has moved me to ask the question...why do we need to wait until our loved ones are gone to HONOR?  We need to do it now, while they are here, to their face, with love and kindness and laughter.  We need to make those heartfelt payments to everyone NOW.  While they can see how much we love and HONOR them.   Not after they are gone and we do it out of grief and sadness.

My pups teach me a lot--SO much in their simple ways.  About love, play.  Now about HONOR.  About that part of love and devotion to another that holds them high and tight in your heart.  HONOR.

Who will you honor each day?  I challenge everyone to find someone new every day to HONOR.  It does not have to be someone you know either.  Anyone, but even better, someone who needs it.  Think of the impact in choosing to HONOR a person every day and what it would/could do!

HONOR each day and make it count.  <3

And thank you Maya and Marty for teaching me about HONOR and how important it is in LOVE.

My AMAZING students, I am SO grateful for all of you!

I spent 15 years teaching at two universities and a community college.  And though I was the one put in front of the room to provide guidance and information for students taking marketing, sales and management classes in the Business Departments, I do believe I learned more than I taught.

I miss teaching.  It was/is a calling and it was for clergy pay.  Wait...the pastor at the church I attended made way more than I did.  It was for, sometimes, minimum wage.  And it was a challenge in more than conveying material to be learned.  Other faculty letting you know you are not of value with "only an MBA."  And the politics of higher ed...  Well the bi-partisan issues cannot hold a candle to higher ed's game.  But I was grateful for every second, and every single student I was blessed to have in my classroom.

They came in all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, and though one university was all women, I had both genders.  I had religious beliefs that some of you have never heard of, I had some married, some single, many GLB (no T's that I know of) and many of difference race, skin color and national origin.  I am so very grateful because I learned SO much from them!

There were a number that suffered horrible situations.  After conversations with them I found myself driving home in tears wondering how they focused on school and getting through the days.  Sexual assault, homelessness, death of parents, addiction, physical abuse, eating disorders.  And so very young to have their hearts broken so deeply.  And they were sitting there waiting for me to tell them about the 4P's of marketing through all of their heartbreak.

And every single one of them taught me the most important thing about teaching...LOVE.

We don't do it (most of us) for the money or accolades.  There are a great many who do it for the ability to get funding for research or to publish.  I could have cared less about either of those things, which lost me a couple of positions in that 15 years.  I loved helping them learn about life...well and marketing and management stuff.

I LOVED all of them and seeing their eyes light up when they learned something really cool.  Or to have them reach out, even years later on Facebook or in an email and say "I remember what you taught us and used it today!"  And 9 out of 10 times, they were not talking about something in a textbook :)

There are those that even years later fill my heart...

One of my students is involved in animal rescue transport which is a passion of mine.  It's like a puppy underground railroad that drives animals from high kill shelters to homes/fosters/furevers up here where I live.  Drive, love, deliver.  Simple.  But some drivers need help with gas money and thus was the case when I donates to her transport group.  Small amount to me, huge to someone else.

And I got this beautiful note in the mail.  "...you were always one of my favorite professors!"  Girl, that is like a winning lottery ticket!

And there is my sweet french horn player who texts me all the time and is my dear friend now.  Her laughter and smile is always ringing in my ears :)

And the ones who still text and ask when we can get together...I miss you all SO much!  Life is so busy but I miss you SO much and promise we WILL make time!

They have called past bedtime (which for me is before the news is over) and cried and cried about "significant others"...  "Sally, they are SUCH ASSHOLES!!!  Why do I love_______________?"  Yes sweet girl, they are.  But if you have faith, your love will be there, I can attest to that.  I had to figure that out too.  And I'll be  here to help you keep your faith along the way.

They came to a night class that went from 6-9:45 after they had worked all day and said "I love this class Sally, I can't wait for Tuesday nights!"

They wrote me letters of recommendation when I applied for a full time position.  I didn't know until they mentioned it at my interview process.  Unsolicited support from those I was supposed to be conveying bits of brilliance upon :)

They invited me/us to their weddings and baby showers.  How blessed am I to share in these beautiful life events they are so excited about and usually reserved for family and close friends?

They are so amazing.  They are so wonderful.  And I am so very blessed to have been a part of their lives and have them in mine.  I learned way more from them than I ever barfed out of a textbook.

Here's to every student in every class I ever taught...you are STILL filling my heart with gratitude!  I love you all to the moon and back...  My life is a new level of complete with all of you in my heart.

The reach outs when you least expect it that fill your heart

Is the moon full?  I know it can't be PMS, that ship sailed long ago :)  But today I felt like I was on a boat in rough seas emotionally and was cranky and bitchy and then happy and -- well, we all feel that way at one time or another, even guys.

I love the gals I work with to the moon and back.  But I bit one's head off today, totally my bad and nothing to do with her.  In her grace all she said was "how do I fix it and make it better?"  God bless her sweet soul...  It's my BS girl, not yours and we need to call the exterminator for the bug up my ass.  That's not in your job description.  You don't girlfriend, it's just me, nothing more.

Maybe because Venus is entering Scorpio (did I get that right???) or the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligned with Mars...wait no that was in the 60s...

I am not sure what my planets are that are out of alignment but it's just me.  Nothing a Desperate Housewife won't cure (that is the name of my favorite martini at our local wine bar, don't get kinky thinkin' on me.)

A martini and reading my text messages as I get home. <3

Short preface before next part.  I was a sorority advisor/mom for 15 years.  As I blog I will talk about my daughters a lot and my experiences with them....they are the most amazing women.

So I looked at my text messages...am I humbled by love.  There is one from a sorority daughter, my sweet gal who with another one came to visit two days after we let Chico move to Heaven.  Just a note to check in on my husband and the remaining two pups and I.  She has had a WAY shittier year than I have and yet she is checking in on me.  I am humbled...but I also realize in the deepest part of my heart and soul, I am LOVED.    She is an AMAZING woman that spends her days helping those with physical challenges and giving to others, she is a soul I am proud to call a daughter whether I gave birth to her or not.  And despite all she has been through, she is checking on ME.

Then there is another message from a...well...since I try to respectfully keep people anonymous here...I'll call her a teacher.

I took adult tap dance lessons for 6 (I think) years with a great group of ladies and an amazing teacher...(oops, you're out girl.)  This group was a blast!  Now and then when class was over at 9:30 we'd head to a local joint for "tappy hour" and half priced apps and drinks.  Then, in early June, it was recital time.

And. we. freakin. rocked. that. recital :)  EVERY YEAR.

Of course we performed after the 3 year olds but really, WE ROCKED!

My second text today was from my tap teacher.  We don't talk or see each other often now that there are no more classes for adults, but we still do tappy hour occasionally and text.  She texted that she hoped we were doing OK and that the big man came to visit in spirit to let us know he's ok.  That you thought of me was huge, my heart is overflowing.  You are such a kind and wonderful soul, I love you  for your reach out.

We're doing OK girlfriend, especially after your note.  THAT was so wonderful to get, YOU ROCK.

And we are OK and we are blessed, beyond words.  And it is those little reach outs that we should all be grateful for.  It means that we mean enough to someone else to take the time and we are LOVED.  It meant today that in my bitchy WTF fit my friend and co-worker took the time to reach out and say "how can I fix it?" when it was not her and instead my own bug up my butt.  It was my daughter and teacher texting to ask how we were doing less one fur kid now.

I am blessed...and grateful.  Thank you, the 3 of you for being such kind souls to a crabby wench today.  You are truly a gift whether you realize it or not.

Throw Back Thursday Gratitude

In honor of Throwback Thursdays, I want to say how grateful I am for the years in my undergrad that I lived in the dorms at Eastern Illinois University.  I lived there the whole time...and loved every minute of it.

While I make a practice not to refer to people I write about by name, I have to mention some in this post because we had such love and laughter and I am in touch with many of them still.

I lived in Carmen Hall my freshman year and though I cannot think of anyone from Carmen I am still in touch with, I had a blast and enjoyed those new friendships so much. 

And did I learn a lot...

My first roomie moved her clothes out of the closet, down to the closet in the lounge and grew her own "horticulture" in the closet with purple grow lights.  She found a phone credit card and called her brother in Germany every day.  And I first learned the phrase from her "deny, deny, deny is my motto."  Strangers knocked on our door during finals week to "purchase" her wares to stay awake to study.  I used to sit in awe of what I was seeing...  Her sister is an actress in Hollywood now :)  I wonder where she is?

And second semester was the opposite in a roommate who did not approve that I had a boyfriend since I was still only 18 (she was 19.)  She prayed over me when I was hungover on Sunday mornings.

I learned a lot...

Lawson Hall was the beginning of lifelong friendships since we have now reconnected.  Pitch and Zins, Jan and Jennifer, Peggy and Gretchen, Grover (where is she by the way gals?)  Bonnie and Stacy, Elliot, Deb S, Terri R, Deb W, Amy from my hometown, Jackie who dressed me like a vampire for Halloween one year, my other half/pledge sister Peggy Bob, my ex roomie Lindsay, who did I forget?  What a great, great bunch of gals!!!  With the exception of a few; Peggy passed away, and some others I am not in touch with, I see and talk to them on Facebook and love watching where life has taken us.  I am so grateful for riot hours craziness during finals week, sharing sorority stories, and trips to Ikes, Marty's, Mother's, Chink's, Rock's, and Sporty's for 4 o'clock clubs. 

The end of the line was Pemberton Hall, the oldest women's dormitory in IL and I had a single room as big as the den in my house now.  It was AWESOME.  And it was RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM IKE'S BAR :)  So crawling home with Nancy and Kiehna and Ferg and whomever else was a shorter distance.  (It was the 70s...it could have been worse!)  Someone on the floor had last name Heath and after she had been home for the weekend there was always candy when she returned.  And we had a SUN ROOF TO LAY OUT ON!!!  Nancy and I are still in touch :)

I am so grateful for the fun and the friendships and the laughter.  I loved the dorms!

Time goes by and yet reconnecting there is nothing of that space in our conversations now except catching up on kids and now grandkids and locales.  I love it.

Ladies, here's to you all on Throwback Thursday because I am so very grateful for your love, laughter, time and friendship. 

You all ROCK <3

The sweetest love...my Big Man

I am grateful for the love of a dog...all of our dogs, but Chico was special.  We lost him on August 17th very suddenly but his physical body is all that is gone because he is still filling our hearts.

On the 4th of July in 2003 we had been at a picnic at friends' house and needed to go home to feed and let out Tessa and Max, our two pups (now in spirit) who had been home all afternoon alone.  My husband wanted to go back to the picnic and shoot fireworks and drink beer and though I rarely do this to him, I vetoed that in favor of a cone at DQ.  I am so blessed and grateful that I did...

Across the street from DQ sat a girl and a dog in a dark corner of the gas station parking lot.  I knew something was not right.  She had the pup not on a leash but a bandana tied to his collar and a small cup of water she was giving him.  I ran across and sat in front of her and talked with her to finally get from her that she was waiting out a meth rage her boyfriend was in and she'd been sitting there for HOURS with her blind pup.  My love for her will be another entry, but when she lifted her head to look me in the eye, the horror I saw in what he had done broke my heart and filled my head with rage.  No time for that, mission accepted, get her and her pup to safety...

As I said, my entry about my sweet girl will be coming later.  But as I sent my husband home to take Tessa and Max and come back for us, I felt such deep focus on never letting them go through this again that all I could think of was protecting the two of them.

Chico was blind and only 1.5 years old.  A beautiful white/blonde Husky boy with striking blue eyes.  As my sweet girl started her life over free of rage and abuse, she gave him to us to be a part of the family.  Tessa and Max would walk on either side of him to make sure he did not bump into things in the house.  They walked in the parks on either side of him to make sure he knew the way.  They shared bones with him and beds with him.  I would often go up to one of the spare bedrooms to find Chico and Max laying on the bed in the sun napping.

When we put up the Christmas tree, Chico would lay in the room listening and then approach the tree to understand what was now in place of the couch.  He had been listening the whole time to furniture move and figured out what was going on.  Then he would sleep almost UNDER the tree :)  We always wondered if he could feel the energy of the lights.

And boy did he love unwrapping the gifts :)

He would lay in the yard for hours loving nature.  He loved digging a hole and laying in the cool dirt. He would come in with that dirty face and a huge smile.

He smiled all the time.  My sweet boy who had been blinded from a blow to the head we figured out, smiled all the time :)

He could hear a bread wrapper being undone from the second floor and like a stealth appear behind you waiting for a piece of toast to be shared.

When he wanted to eat on the deck, he would walk out and howl as if to say "Al fresco tonight people..." and we took his dish outside for him to dine :)

He sang all the time.  Every morning at 5am he would wake with my husband and talk for breakfast.  I would lay up in bed listening to them... "you want what for breakfast Chico?  French toast?  OK, well syrup or just butter?  Hash browns too?"  "You want steak for dinner Chico?  baked potato?  Green beens or asparagus with that?"  And most mornings I remembered to say "Thank you God for his talk and for making me cross the street that night."

He could tell time I swear.  My husband would tell him sometimes at 5AM, "Chico, 30 more minutes and we'll do breakfast."  And precisely 30 minutes later, singing would commence again.

I planted roses in the back yard one summer, lavender ones that smelled like Heaven.  They kept disappearing.  We found one day that Chico would rub his nose in the blooms, lift his head to take in the sweet smell, chomp the bloom off in his mouth to then spit petals out in a shower all over the yard.

Chico loved to eat vegetables like no dog I've seen, could hear the lettuce wrapper coming off from the back yard and raced in to beg...

He loved the snow.  He would dig a hole in the snow (we get about 90" in the winter) and face the sun and lay there until he was told it was dinner time.  Sometimes would not come in until literally pulled by the collar.  I had many days at -27 degrees I had to force him to come in.

My husband would throw a tennis ball in the back yard and Chico would hear and find it before the other two who could see.

Our vets will tell you that he was the best pup ever.  They already have said it but would say it again. Never let his blindness be a barrier.

When Tessa and Max passed away, I watched him grieve like we are now in his absence.  It was almost a year and our little Maya who finally snapped him out of it and got him to play again.  Maya is the one grieving now.  Marty is just confused.

Going through this is so hard and missing him and hearing him in my twilight sleep and feeling that void.  But I am so very grateful we got to experience his love, his regal nature, his voice and his humor.  My heart is broken but full and life will never be the same.

Here's to you Big Man, I am forever grateful for you.

more old friends

There are those who just GET you, just get what you feel, know, are about.  No judgment, no questions, nothing in there.  They love you and just GET you.

So that is my girlfriend from high school.  We knew each other in middle school but didn't hang out.  High school brought it in for the real thing...her teaching me the driving course for my license and taking me to practice (since she did it 2 months before) and driving me around the Cathedral to see if my crush of the summer was outside working at his job as a gardener, and drinking at the lake when we were not supposed to with her boyfriend and his "relatives."  We even dated several of the same boys...not at the same time.  Sometimes she broke them in for me :)

We could not be more different in some ways...I went on to college after high school, she did not.  I didn't marry till I was 37, by that time, she had been married almost 18 years and had two amazing sons.  I'm out trying to save the world, she's raising sons and coping with her own life challenges with health and family.

The Neat gal went to FL right after graduation on a trip and met a local boy who fell hard for her.  I know I'm getting details wrong probably, but she came home from the trip, he showed up not long after and told her he wasn't leaving till she married him and a year later they got married.  And...wait for it...they have been married 37 years.  And he ROCKS :)

I on the other hand, spent time with "lessons" getting engaged to an idiot and dating every asshole in Chicago and the collar counties...  We are very different Neat Gal and I...but not really <3

She GETS me.  In all of the things in life I have been through, she has somehow, miraculously come up with the perfect words at the perfect time for every time I have been ready to jump from the chimney.  She GETS how I have felt and never judged or questioned, just been there with the perfect comments and resolution it seems.  She GETS that I struggled with what was expected of me, she GETS that my end of the world has presented tough things I have had challenges with.  Never once given me a hard time or told me to get over myself.  Just been there...

Because she GETS me.

And don't think she hasn't had tough ones bigger than me.  Illness that brought the whole family to their knees and presented challenges.  Never a complaint from Neat Gal when we would talk.  Just updates about the boys or the hubs.  The only time I have heard a whimper was the late night she called to tell me her mom died.  And she was certainly entitled.

Last summer, I went home to see family and took my elderly blind Husky pup.  We were only there one night and it appeared via some issues I was going to have to go home.  I called her to tell her I couldn't come over the next day due to some family stuff going on and had to head back.  Her response was "stay here!"  Well, Neat Gal, you have your son and new daughter-in-law living there too and I have an elderly, blind Husky who talks a lot and wears a belly band because he leaks urine now and then...it will be chaos.  Her response?  "get over here, it will be fun chaos and the hubs will make you cocktails so even more fun...and Chico (my pup) will have steak for dinner!  Come now, there are clean sheets on the bed, Chico will be fine and we'll have fun."

She GETS me...she knew I needed not to drive 8 hours home but to have time to talk about life.  And it was a blast!

And Chico did have steak, had a ball talking and did great the whole time we were there :)

Chico died two weeks ago very suddenly and the first person I texted was the Neat Gal.  She would understand in ways my other friends might not...

She GETS me.  She knows my love for my pups and all animals.  She GETS me and supports me.  And she had fallen in love with Chico too :)

I am grateful for the Neat Gal and her hubs who loves me like a sister too and always treats me like a queen <3  He GETS me too :)  I am grateful for her and all of the times I ranted about my mother's bullshit, my psycho boyfriend of the moment, whatever it was.  She had the words and ideas for help every time and was there every time for me.

Because SHE GETS ME...and loves me :) no boundaries.

I am so grateful you are there and so blessed you are a part of my life <3  I hope I am as good to you as you are to me and I  hope I GET you the way you just GET me <3

OLD FRIENDS

Well over the nearly 10 years I've been on Facebook, I have been reconnected with old friends (that is in the sense of longtime friends not age-wise) and some, like my senior prom date, I had to delete because age has not afforded him the grace and maturity some have acquired, and some I have been blessed to have come back into my life.  Thus the case with a girlfriend I have known since the 5th grade, since we were 10.

We met in 5th grade in a class for special kids, MAA (More Academically Able--THAT kind of special) and quickly became friends.  When the time came for middle school we went to different schools and lost touch.  When high school reunited us, we were friends again and very different and yet the same. 

She had found her voice, she was courageous.  I was still figuring myself out and trying to please mom and be what my mother thought I "should" be.  She was confident, I was still figuring it out.  She was funny, I was still figuring it out.  And she was stunning, I was small, braces on my teeth and still figuring it out.

She was Badass then :) 

We went to different colleges but freshman year, her boyfriend convinced me to drive with him two states away to pick her up for homecoming at our school and we had a ball.  But we didn't stay in touch...

She got married and had a beautiful daughter :)  and we  reconnected at the 20th high school reunion for a bit.  And lost touch.

And along came Facebook and one day there she was :)  And we reconnected and chatted and have stayed in touch.  We had a blast one evening  at another girlfriend's house drinking wine.  Two years ago had brunch after my husband and I went to Springsteen and I met her husband and we laughed and I just loved the time together.  And we stayed in touch.  Not as much as many do but we did.

She's still Badass :)

So about 10 days ago on FB she says, "I know this is a shitty way to tell you this but I have breast cancer, BOOM!"

ok FAIR warning, I will swear here...sometimes it's cathartic, sometimes for effect, sometimes What The Fuck, just because...

So there it was from my sweet Badass.

Her take on all of this was, "remember how much I've been wanting breast reduction for how many years?  I finally get it...AND the added value is a tummy tuck because they use belly fat to make my new boobs."  I did not anticipate her breast reduction to come in the form of a double mastectomy.  I'm quite sure she didn't either.

OK, I don't see you often Badass but I love you and this threw me for a loop...

She continues..." BUT I've been working out and trying to be so healthy for this double mastectomy that I've lost 10 pounds and now there is not enough belly fat.  They tell me I'll be an athletic C cup...what the hell is that?"

That's me sweetie and you'll not recognize yourself, you're like a G cup...

She continues to tell me that she has been through all of the processing of the information and she is choosing to handle this BADASS...what a surprise :) 

girlfriend you have been that since I met you

 You are SO courageous.  I know the things you've been through in your life though we have not talked openly about them.  You've had other huge pain and now this.  And my heart aches in worry that you will be OK and still be my Badass GF. 

But you have your darling husband, your AMAZING daughter and many friends where you live, and I'm here.  I hope I am enough to help.  My prayers are daily because I am worried like any gal pal. 

But you are Badass :)

I am grateful today for Badass, her beautiful daughter who both inspired me to start this blog.  Both are blogging; Badass on her journey and beautiful daughter on her trip abroad this summer.  I follow both.

And your blog post about cementing with those "old" friends blew my heart right up, because I knew it came after we had been texting and yes, I am always here...always have been though I didn't tell you. 

I love you, I am so grateful for you and am sending you huge prayers.

You are and always will be...

BADASS.

I love you GF, this will be OK, just a speed bump.

Be grateful for friends who love you and need you <3  I am